


Stormed

by Emybulby



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Again, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Drug Use, Felix getting beaten up, Gangsters, Hurt Felix, I love Stray Kids I swear, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Multiple Endings, Murder, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Original Character(s), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Please Don't Hate Me, SUFFER WITH ME, Sad Ending, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, This Is Sad, Trauma, Will have a happy ending, anything graphic will be warned, mostly bromance, supportive brothers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-16
Updated: 2019-06-27
Packaged: 2020-01-15 04:25:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 18
Words: 38,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18491314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emybulby/pseuds/Emybulby
Summary: That’s when everything broke out, even worse than earlier in the rain. Felix pushed Chan away, with a strength that surprised them both, making them fall to the ground.“Go away! D-don’t touch me! Leave me alone!” Felix screamed his voice raw and full of fear.Changbin and Chan were frozen in shock by his worrisome reaction. What the hell had happened to him?ORFelix is assaulted by old friends of Changbin, but things are worse than they look and the road to recovery won't be easy.





	1. Target

Felix looked at his phone as he exited the class. It had been a long day and he just wanted to go home. He didn’t mind waiting for Changbin usually because their classes ended at the same time and were in the same building, but Changbin had just texted him that he had to take care of something, so Felix could go to their dorm first.

He shared a dorm with 8 other members, including Changbin, and they were all really close, like brothers. They were attending the same university, obviously, and Felix had classes with Jeongin, Hyunjin, Seungmin and Changbin. Chan and Woojin were the oldest and also like their mentors, the mother friends. Jisung and Minho were the other two guys living with them, and they were awesome to be around too even if Felix didn’t have any classes with them.

The day outside was pleasant, not too humid with a bright sun.

He was about to put on his headphones for the walk back, but then noticed Changbin with three other boys walking to an isolated corner of the university. Changbin didn’t look happy and Felix had never seen these guys before, so he decided to follow them.

“What the hell do you guys want?” Changbin asked as they all stopped walking.

“Come on, don’t be like that, Binnie,” One of them, a tall guy with blond hair, asked.

The nickname didn’t sound right from his mouth, and the look Changbin sent the tall boy confirmed it.

Felix clenched his jaw as he walked up to them. He really didn’t like this whole situation and Binnie being alone with them. No one messed with his friends. He might be short, but it didn’t mean he couldn’t put up a good fight.

“Yo, Binnie, you coming?” Felix asked interrupting their conversation.

Changbin turned to him, looking surprised and reached him in only a few strides. He took Felix’s shoulders. He looked concerned now, which confused Felix a lot.

“What are you doing here? I told you to go first,” Changbin grounded him.

The tall blond guy put a hand on Changbin’s shoulder and pushed him a bit to the side.

“Oh, is he a friend of yours? Why don’t you introduce us, Binnie?”

“No need, you won’t be seeing him again,” Changbin spit back.

“Why are you so mean with me, Binnie?”

“Don’t call me that, we aren’t friends, Kurt.”

Changbin’s tone was definitive, and Felix saw a controlled anger in Kurt’s eyes.

“We used to be friends, but we’re not good enough for you anymore, right?” The blond-haired guy provoked him.

“Yeah, that’s right. You sicken me,” Changbin replied.

Felix could feel the tension between the two guys. They would fight for sure, and even Felix wanted to beat the crap out of that annoying guy. Clearly, Changbin didn’t want to be friends with him anymore, so why was he so insistent?

The tall guy’s eyes turned to Felix for a moment, and then he smiled back at Changbin.

“You hurt me, Binnie. I just wanted to talk.” Kurt then turned to his friends who looked as angry as him and they all left.

Felix exhaled, relieved that they hadn’t fought in the end.

“Who were they?” Felix asked, still confused by the whole thing.

“Old acquaintances from high school. At some point, they helped me get through some things, but I decided to cut all ties with them when they got into some illegal stuff,” Changbin replied.

At least, Changbin was a straightforward kind of guy in situations like these. There was no point hiding things when it was part of the past. Changbin had kind of a rebel style, but in truth he was really fun to be around. He could pass for a tug sometimes, but he wasn’t one.

“Let’s go back to the dorm,” Changbin offered, putting an arm over Felix’s shoulders and leading him away from the isolated space. “I wonder what Chan and Minho cooked for dinner.”

Felix’s stomach growled at the thought and Changbin laughed.

When they arrived, the place was as lively as usual. Everyone was waiting for Changbin and Felix to eat dinner. It was warm and fun. Felix liked this, the life he was living with his brothers. He knew it wouldn’t last forever, but he enjoyed it as much as he could for the time being.

Seeing them all smile, tease each other, laugh, eat delicious food…

Yeah, he didn’t want things to change too soon.

 

—

 

“You all ate dinner at least?” Chan asked on speaker mode on Felix’s phone.

“Yeah, we went to the cafeteria,” Seungmin answered.

“Ok, if you come back late, just call me, I’ll come pick you up.”

“Yeah, see you later, Chan,” Felix told him, hanging up.

“Chan’s such a mom,” Jisung commented as Felix hung up.

It was so typical of Chan to call and make sure they were all ok. He was a great dorm leader, and also a kind-hearted friend.

“Thankfully, or else it would be complete chaos at the dorms,” Hyunjin commented.

“Can’t argue with that,” Jisung admitted.

“Ok, that’s it for me for today, my brain just won’t cooperate anymore,” Jeongin whined, closing his books. “I mean it’s Friday… Why am I even studying on a Friday? If someone told me that going to university was like this…”

“You barely even studied,” Hyunjin laughed.

“I studied! This course is just harder than it looks,” Jeongin replied, visibly offended.

“Alright, whatever, I’m done too for tonight.”

“Yeah, me too. What about you three?” Jisung asked, looking at Seungmin, Minho and Felix.

“I’m gonna stay for a little bit more, I just want to finish this assignment,” Minho said.

“What?! You’re already almost done with it?” Jisung exclaimed, intruding Minho’s space to look at his laptop. “I haven’t even started it yet!”

Everyone laughed at that. Jisung was always the most easily distracted of them all and was always waiting until the last minute to do his assignments.

“I’m gonna study a bit more,” Seungmin told them. “Just wanna make sure I’m ready for next Monday’s test.”

“You’re both real model students,” Hyunjin complimented them.

“What about you, Fe?” Jeongin asked.

“I’m also gonna stay behind, I’ve got this assignment due before midnight and I’m not finished with it yet.”

“Alright, hope you can finish it in time,” Jisung commented.

“Yeah, me too,” Felix replied with a sigh and everyone laughed at this comment, understanding of his student struggle.

“Alright, we’ll be going then. See you later guys!” Hyunjin called, and the trio left the study room.

Once they were gone, Felix was finally able to focus on his work. Minho and Seungmin were calm when they studied, contrarily to their other friends. This assignment was still really boring to do, but at least he didn’t have the other guys around, laughing and distracting him, that’s why he almost never studied at the dorms. If only he wasn’t so easily entertained by other stuff than doing his homework or studying.

The evening passed quickly, but Felix’s assignment couldn’t seem to be completed quickly enough. He would definitely send it at the last minute.

“We’ll be going now. Call Chan or Woojin when you’re done, they’ll come pick you up, ok?” Seungmin told him as he put his things in his bag, Minho doing the same beside him.

“Yeah, yeah…” Felix answered absentmindedly.

“Don’t come back by yourself either, or they’ll be mad,” Minho commented.

“I know.”

“See you later,” Seungmin told him as the two guys left.

Felix nodded, and waved at them slightly, trying to keep his concentration from failing him. He was so tired. He just wanted to go home too, but he needed to finish this.

After a few more hours of work, he finally sent it, just 5 minutes before the time limit. He exhaled in relief when the confirmation appeared on his laptop’s screen. Then he started packing.

On his way out, he tried calling Woojin, but his hyung didn’t answer. He tried again as he started walking toward his dorm, but he still got no response.

He guessed the older boy was busy, so he decided to try to call Chan instead, but suddenly three men appeared in his path.

“Hey there, shorty,” Kurt greeted him, putting a hand over his shoulders. “Come with us for a walk.”

“No, not interested,” Felix answered right away, removing the taller man’s arm from over his shoulders.

“It wasn’t a question.”

Then, the other two grabbed Felix’s arms and Kurt put his hand on his mouth. Felix dropped his phone in surprise and was dragged away to a remote corner of the school. No matter how much he trashed or scream, there just wasn’t anybody there to help him at this hour and in this part of the campus.

When they finally reached the spot chosen by his assailants, they pushed him hard to the wall and started punching and kicking him. Felix tried to cover his head, but the hits were coming from all angles. It was so damn painful, every blow feeling more and more harmful. Every attempt at fighting back was met with even more retaliation.

Amongst the beating, Felix thought of Changbin and how it would hurt him to know what they did to him, because that was surely their goal in doing this. They wanted to threaten him, make him pay, or some stupid reason like that. Changbin would blame himself, but Felix felt really guilty too. If he had let Changbin deal with them a few days ago without intervening, or if he had been just a bit stronger, or if he had been patient and waited at the building’s entrance…

In the end, Felix fell to the ground, covered in blood and bruises, his body hurting all over.

He thought that the guys would just go away, leave him alone…

He was so wrong.

“Hold him down, I’m gonna make sure that Shorty sickens him even more.”

 

—

 

“Felix doesn’t answer his phone,” Woojin told Chan. “I didn’t think I left it on mute…”

“Well, he’s gonna be drenched if he thinks he can walk back here in this weather,” Changbin commented, looking at the imminent storm outside.

“Alright, I’ll go look for him. He must be on his way back anyway since he called only 20 minutes ago,” Chan decided, taking his car keys and heading outside.

“Wait, I’m coming too!”

Changbin ran after his friend. He felt strangely uneasy. Maybe it was only because of the stormy weather, maybe it was because Felix wasn’t back, or maybe it was something more…

They drove the same itinerary as they usually walked from the campus to the dorms, but Felix was nowhere to be found. They were about to drive back to the dorms when Changbin noticed something on the path.

He got out of the car, walked to it. The rain was just starting to fall and the wind was already strong. It was a phone and when he activated the screen, a picture of Felix and him lighting up the device, he really started to feel anxious.

“Chan, I have a bad feeling…” Changbin told his hyung, sitting back in the passenger seat and showing him Felix’s phone.

Chan’s heart sped up instantly. It could mean nothing, just that Felix had dropped it on his way back, but… It unsettled them both deeply. Chan picked up his phone and called Woojin, asking him if he had news from Felix yet, but Woojin told him that he still wasn’t back.

“We’ll look around the campus, and see if we can find him. Call me as soon as you have news about him,” Chan told Woojin over the phone, his voice full of concern.

They started their search and the rain started falling heavily. Lightning flashed in the sky, thunder roared around them, intensifying their anxiousness.

And then… then Changbin finally found him.

“Chan! Stop, it’s him!”

His heart dropped when he saw the slumped form against one of the school walls. Even in the rain, lighted by the car’s headlights, Changbin recognized Felix. He got out of the car right away and ran to him.

“Felix! Felix, are you ok?” Changbin asked, crouching down in front of the younger boy and reaching for his face.

Felix flinched and Changbin saw the wounds and the bruises on his face, but also, the despair in his eyes. Felix was cold, trembling… He was hurt, and clearly terrified.

“Hyung…” Felix sobbed, and Changbin's heart broke completely.

He couldn’t help but hug the boy tightly in his arms then, tears falling down is cheeks and mixing with the rain. It was so painful, the heaviness in Changbin's chest at seeing his friend in such a state. Felix hugged him back as tightly and cried loudly, making it all more terrible.

“It’s ok, I’m here Felix. Hyung's here... Nobody’s gonna hurt you anymore,” Changbin tried to comfort him.

Chan arrived then. He was shocked by Felix’s condition for a moment before he guided them back in the car. Changbin didn’t even let Felix try to walk, he took him in his arms and gently set him down on the back seat. Felix curled up on the seat and kept crying and shivering the whole way back.

They didn’t know what had happened, but Felix was clearly traumatized.

They were so happy to have found him, but they were also very scared.

They were scared of the unknown, of what had happened to Felix…


	2. Hidden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi dear readers!!
> 
> Poor Felix... He's trying his best, but will he be ok? 
> 
> Note: I'm really bad with recovery fics x) There will be more angst coming too, things are not going to get easier yet... 
> 
> PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT :) 
> 
> Thanks!!
> 
> ( Tumblr: Wakeyx )

“There, the bath is ready,” Chan told Felix, who was sitting on the toilet lid, his wet trembling form covered in a thick blanket.

Felix didn’t even react. He had been emotionless since they had arrived. Changbin remained by his side, trying to instigate conversation with him, or at least get some verbal response from his friend. But Felix just stayed silent.

“I’m gonna help you to undress, ok?” Chan informed him then, reaching out to gently take the blanket away.

That’s when everything broke out, even worse than earlier in the rain. Felix pushed Chan away, with a strength that surprised them both, making them both fall to the ground. Felix fell away from Changbin, in-between the toilet and the bath.

“Go away! D-don’t touch me! Leave me alone!” Felix screamed his voice raw and full of fear.

Changbin and Chan were frozen in shock by his worrisome reaction. What the hell had happened to him? Felix realized what he had just done a few seconds later and looked at them apologetically.

“I… I… I’m so sorry, hyung,” Felix cried then, voice shaky and full of pain. It hurt them so much to see him like this. “P-please, just leave me alone.”

“Felix, we’re only here to help,” Changbin tried.

“I don’t want your help!” Felix screamed back, and curled up on himself.

“We can’t leave you alone…”

“Please… Just go.”

“Sorry, but we won’t. You’re in shock now, but we won’t let you go through this alone. We won’t touch you, and we can even stop talking to you, but… We’ll stay by your side,” Chan insisted.

Felix remained silent for a long moment.

“We should call the police,” Changbin offered then.

“No!” Felix yelled almost instantly. “Don’t… Don’t call the police.”

“Then, at least, tell us what happened,” Changbin argued in a soft concerned tone.

Changbin would’ve lost his cool usually at this much fight from Felix’s part, but he knew that there was so much more going on than he knew, and he didn’t want to hurt Felix even more by letting annoyance and anger win over.

“They beat me up and left,” Felix simply stated to their surprise.

He had admitted it so simply, but it didn’t put his hyungs at ease at all. There was something more to all this, but they didn’t want to insist on it for now, so they continued with other questions.

“Who did it?” Chan asked. “Do you know them?”

Felix didn’t answer for a long moment, and then he finally shook his head.

“Why don’t you want us to call the police? They’ll do an investigation…”

Felix didn’t answer.

“Felix, help us a bit, please,” Chan encouraged him.

Silence. Chan sighed in defeat. Felix really didn’t look like he wanted their help… He knew deep down that it couldn’t just be that, a simple beating, but he was scared to ask further questions. Was he scared because he might hurt Felix? Or was he scared of the possible truth he might find?

“Take a bath now, before you get sick. It’ll probably help you feel better,” Chan told him then with a comforting smile.

Felix didn’t even lift his eyes to look at him.

“I want to be alone…” Felix murmured.

“Is it ok if only one of us stays instead? We… We’re worried and we just want to make sure that your injuries aren’t too severe,” Chan explained softly.

There was silence for a long moment, but Felix finally answered, still keeping his eyes on the ground.

“Then, Changbin leaves.”

It hurt Changbin that he was pushed away like this, but he was also understanding. Felix didn’t feel comfortable with them both here, so he chose Chan, and what mattered most was that he allowed one of them to stay, to make sure that he was ok.

Changbin left without a word, and Felix finally looked at Chan with teary eyes.

“Chan… Whatever you see, don’t tell the others. Promise me?” Felix requested shakily.

“Are you sure?”

“They can’t know… At least not now… Especially not Changbin…”

Chan clenched his jaw in fear at what he would see that Felix wanted hidden from the others. And why did he say that Changbin really couldn’t know? Why him specifically?

“Ok, I promise I won’t tell them then,” Chan agreed after a moment.

It took long minutes after that, and a couple of deep breaths, but Felix finally took off his clothes with shaking hands and contained sobs, leaving him only in his underwear. At every bit of skin shown, Chan felt more angered. There were dark bruises all over his arms, chest and back, but it wasn’t the worst…

Chan almost got sick when he realized that there was blood down Felix’s thigh, leading to its source underneath Felix’s underwear. The poor boy was a trembling mess, but Chan could only stare. When he met Felix’s eyes again, his dongsaeng broke down in tears once more. He dropped to his knees, and Chan reached out to him and hugged him right away. This time, Felix didn’t push him away and even held tight onto him.

“You can’t tell anybody… You can’t…” Felix sobbed.

“It’s ok. I won’t. I promised, remember?” Chan reassured him, rocking them both.

It was so hard to accept. How could something so terrible have happened to their little Felix? To the hard-working boy with a wide smile? To someone who would never voluntarily hurt anybody?

After a moment, Chan picked Felix up and put him in the bath, even with his underwear still on. Felix didn’t resist. He looked completely drained.

After that, he let Felix enjoy his bath with some sort of privacy, turning his back to the boy and putting on Felix’s favourite music on his phone.

Chan was silently having an internal war. He knew he should tell the police, it was something really serious. Yet, he could see that Felix was too shocked and needed rest. As a good hyung, what was truly the best option?

After the bath, Felix changed into fresh pyjamas and headed to his room. The other boys were all waiting for news in the living room, even if it was this late, but Felix didn’t even look at them. Chan noticed that Felix was limping, and the fact that he knew why made his heart squeeze and a few other tears fell down his cheeks. He should’ve gone to search for him earlier. He should’ve protected him…

Chan wiped the tears away and saw Woojin and Changbin look at him with concern. He simply shook his head sadly in answer before closing the door behind him. Felix sat on his bed and Chan crouched down in front of him. He could see all his wounds clearly on his now cleaned face. A large bruise covered the upper left of his face, there was also a cut over his eyebrow on this side, over which Chan had put a bandage earlier in the washroom. The right side of Felix’s lips was cut too, with a bruise on his chin underneath it. There was also a bit of redness on his nose and right cheek. At least, the bruises Chan had seen on his back and torso were not too concerning, they just looked really painful. Other than that, he had scratches and bruises on his arms. His legs were the least wounded part of his body it seemed. What was most concerning though, Chan couldn’t look… Felix wouldn’t let him and Chan had no knowledge about what could help in the matter anyway, so he hadn’t even tried to see the extent of the damage.

“We… We should go to the hospital, Felix,” he told him, and Felix tensed right away.

“No, I don’t want to.”

“For this kind of attack… There are tests that should be done afterward. I just want to be sure that there’s nothing else we should be worried about.”

“I can’t. I don’t want strangers to touch me again. I don’t want them to see… To see what they did to me,” Felix sobbed, hugging himself.

“I know… I don’t want that either, but… I think it’s important that we do that.”

“I can’t do it. At least, not tonight.”

“Tomorrow then, ok?” Chan offered.

Felix looked pleadingly at Chan for a moment before he closed his eyes and nodded once. This simple answer was enough for his hyung for now.

“Are you gonna be ok to sleep by yourself tonight?” Chan asked, and Felix gave him the same nod. “Alright… If there’s anything, don’t hesitate to come and get me.”

Felix nodded again and lied in bed without another word.

Chan put the blanket over him and left with a sigh.

 

—

 

“Is he ok?” Woojin asked as soon as Chan arrived in the living room.

The others instantly came closer to him too, wanting answers, and hopefully positive ones.

“He’s gonna be ok for tonight, but we’re going to have to go to the hospital tomorrow, just to make sure.”

“It’s that bad?” Jeongin asked.

Chan didn’t answer and simply sighed, feeling suddenly exhausted.

“I swear to God if I ever find out who did this to him…” Changbin started menacingly.

They all felt the same. No one messed with one of their brothers. Or else, there would be retaliation.

“Let’s all get some sleep now, ok? Felix’s out of danger now, so you can all sleep soundly,” Chan told them.

They were still all really concerned, and also angry at their helplessness and at the people who had hurt Felix, but they listened to their hyung.

Later that night, Chan still couldn’t sleep soundly, so he took his pillow and blanket and got out of the room, planning on sleeping closer to Felix’s room, hoping it would help him relax a bit. He was surprised to find all the others already huddled up around Felix’s closed door. He smiled softly at the sight. They were like real brothers, and the thought warmed his heart. They would do everything to help Felix heal from this.

He settled beside Woojin and fell asleep soon after.

 

—

 

“Felix? I’m coming in,” Chan informed him.

A sweet scent filled their apartment as Woojin and Seungmin were preparing breakfast. Chan entered the room even if he got no answer. To his surprise, Felix was already dressed and sitting on his bed. At first, he looked almost concerningly emotionless, but then he smiled at Chan.

“Breakfast is ready?” Felix asked joyfully.

Chan smiled softly at him. It was evident to him that his dongsaeng was trying to hide his pain and trauma, but maybe he would be able to deceive the others. Chan didn’t know if it was a good idea, but he didn’t want to talk about it so soon with him, not when the younger boy had just woken up and they were about to go to the hospital.

“Yeah, are you coming?”

Felix stood up and passed by Chan to head to the dining room. Chan noticed he was still limping, but he was hiding it better than the night before. Chan still felt an uncomfortable heaviness in his chest at seeing his condition. No matter how much Felix tried to cover it, the light in his eyes was dimmed and the marks on his face didn’t help either.

When he arrived to the dining room, everyone stopped moving and looked at him. Only Changbin and Chan had really seen the state of his face, so it was normal for the rest to be shocked by the sight.

“Smells good,” Chan commented, trying to appease the atmosphere a bit.

“Felix, I made you pancakes,” Woojin stated, following Chan’s lead.

“Thank you, hyung,” Felix said, smiling at him and taking a pancake from the plate at the centre of the table.

He poured syrup all over it and started eating. Chan felt a weight lift from his shoulder at the sight. At least, he was eating… But then, Felix stopped suddenly and ran to the washroom. Chan and Woojin ran after him right away. As soon as he reached the toilet, he vomited his only bite of pancake and bile. Chan caressed his back, waiting for the retching to stop.

Then Felix slumped against him as Chan hugged him. Felix looked up at Woojin with teary eyes, aware that the older boy had seen him, before looking to the ground, visibly embarrassed. Chan made a movement of his head toward the door with a sorry smile, silently asking for some privacy.

“Do I really have to go to the hospital?” Felix asked after a few minutes, his voice raw.

“The sooner we’re done with it, the sooner you’ll be able to come back here and rest,” Chan answered.

Again, there was silence for a long moment as Chan still rubbed his back comfortingly.

“Ok,” Felix finally agreed, nodding as if he was still trying to convince himself that he had to do that. “No more breakfast though.”

“I’ll make you soup later,” Chan offered.

Felix was really courageous. Chan was proud of him. He knew it must be really difficult to deal with the consequences and trauma of all that had happened the night before, but he was doing better than Chan had expected.

At least, that was what it looked like at the moment…

But was it really all just a façade?

Would Felix be fine once at the hospital?

And after that?

 


	3. Anger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi dear readers!
> 
> Kurt and his friends are not done tormenting Felix...
> 
> I wanted to post this chapter on Thursday, but I was so busy and then I was away all weekend... Anyway, I hope you'll enjoy this chapter :) 
> 
> PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT <3
> 
> Thanks!!
> 
> (Tumblr: Wakeyx)

Felix was not fine.

Not at all.

As soon as they reached the hospital, he started protesting and arguing with Chan. It was as if it would make it all real, but in the end, Chan waited patiently for him to calm down, telling him comforting words and hoping Felix would finally accept again.

He did, but he asked Chan not to leave him, and his hyung stayed with him like he had promised, holding his hand through the whole process.

They took samples, made him fill documents, asked him many times if he was sure he didn’t want to fill a police report… It was excruciating for him, and Chan felt guilty to put him through so much. But at least, after a few hours, they got the medical results.

The injuries were not worrying and there was nothing concerning to report from the samples they had taken, so no STI.

Felix could now focus on resting and healing mentally. The doctors referred them to their university’s orientation and counselling resources, where Felix would meet with a psychologist only two days later.

On the way back home, Felix didn’t say a word even if Chan tried to talk to him. In the end, he fell asleep and Chan had to carry him back to his room when they arrived.

He looked at Felix’s sleeping form in his bed with a sad smile.

If only he could make his pain go away.

 

—

 

Changbin was annoyed by what had happened to Felix. He cared for him a lot, and the both of them were really close, but since they had found him in the rain, beaten bloody, since Felix had told him to leave the bathroom… Changbin wondered if things would remain the same between them.

He knew that Chan and Felix were hiding something. He didn’t want to insist too much on getting answers so soon though, because Felix was clearly too unstable when it came to the event of the night before. He had tried to hide it from them, how much he was truly affected by it, but it had failed, and anyway Changbin had been the one to find him, so he already knew how broken his friend was.

Damn, it hurt to think about it, to remember his cries and how tightly Felix held onto Changbin.

He wanted to avenge him, but Felix didn’t know who had attacked him.

Changbin sighed as he put the can of beer on the counter of the convenience store near their dorm. He paid for it and just as he was about to head out, he crossed paths with Kurt and his friends who were just entering the store.

Changbin only glared at them, not feeling like dealing with them tonight. Kurt looked surprised for a moment, but didn’t say or do anything else.

Changbin walked back to the dorm, hoping that Felix and Chan were back already.

Another sigh escaped his lips as he thought about Felix again.

Would everything go back to normal one day?

 

—

 

“No! NO! STOP! PLEASE!”

Woojin ran to Felix’s room right away and held him in his arms as he murmured comforting words, waiting for Felix to calm down.

“You’re ok, Felix. I’m here, hyung is here. It was only a nightmare,” he tried, rocking them both.

The others appeared in the doorframe of the room, looking concerned. Felix was crying in Woojin’s arms, holding onto his shirt tightly as if his life depended on it.

“I-it’s not… It’s not only a nightmare,” his dongsaeng replied through his sobs.

Woojin looked right up at Chan then. It couldn’t just be a beating. The others seemed to think the same, also looking at Chan now, as if he would just tell them, but he didn’t say anything about it.

It had been two days since the attack, and Felix was still affected this much.

There had to be something more to it.

 

—

 

“Why won’t you tell us? We just want to help!” Jisung insisted.

“Chan, it’s not fair to keep it to yourself when it’s… when it’s destroying him,” Hyunjin added.

“I can’t tell you! I promised him!” Chan argued.

“Then, tell us what we can do to help him!” Minho requested.

There was silence for a long moment. Chan was usually good at dealing with problems, people always praised him for being a great leader and solving problems peacefully. Why was he having such a hard time now? What should he do? What could he tell them?

“Just… treat him as normally as possible and be there for him when he needs it. That’s the only thing you… _we_ can do right now,” Chan answered.

Felix was gone to his appointment at school with the psychologist. Jeongin and Woojin had accompanied him, since they had classes at the same time. He said he would wait for them at the library after that, so he wouldn’t have to walk back alone.

If anything, he could text or call any of them at any moment. They didn’t want to be overprotective with him, but they couldn’t help it. They cared too much and it was already so damn unnerving to see him try to smile and get back on his feet when it was clear that he was still struggling a lot with the trauma he had experienced. Felix was also having nightmares now, and that seemed to make things worse for his friends who would wake up to his terrified screams.

Chan wondered if he was having these nightmares because things were not settled and the culprits were still free, and would most likely remain free as long as Felix didn’t tell the police.

He wanted them, whoever they were, to be put in jail, to pay for hurting their brother, but he couldn’t go against Felix’s requests, not now when he needed his support the most.

Chan sighed deeply. This whole thing was really starting to tire him.

 

—

 

“I’m a little disappointed in you, Shorty. I thought you’d tell him,” Kurt told Felix who was a trembling mess on the ground of the storage room he had been dragged to.

Kurt's friends were blocking the door.

Felix was supposed to be safe inside the university, but he realized now that he had been extremely wrong. They had followed him, and waited for him to get out of the psychologist’s office. There was almost no one in the hallway when they got him. He couldn’t even make a sound, his mouth covered by Kurt’s hand once more.

“W-what?” Felix asked, confused and scared.

“Changbin, you didn’t tell him,” Kurt answered in annoyance.

“I won’t…”

Kurt crouched down and grabbed Felix’s collar, a threatening smile appearing on his lips.

“Is it because you liked it? You want it to remain our little secret?”

“No!”

Kurt laughed, and then dragged his other hand up Felix’s thigh. Felix tried vainly to get away from his touch, feeling panic growing in his chest.

Not again, please not again…

“Ah, just what I was looking for,” Kurt said as he took out Felix’s phone from his pocket. “You didn’t even put a code on the lock screen,” he laughed.

“Why do you need it? What are you…?”

“There, smile!”

Felix froze in horror, realizing that Kurt had just taken a picture of him held by the collar and clearly terrified.

“You’re really photogenic, you know that?” Kurt complimented him. “Let’s send this to… Just what I was looking for, Changbin’s phone number.”

“No, no please, don’t…”

“Done!” Kurt smiled, then put Felix’s phone down and took out his own.

He entered Changbin’s number on his own phone and then looked back at Felix.

“You know the other day? I have videos of you from that night.”

Felix’s heart dropped then. Why was Kurt doing this to him? What had Felix done to deserve this?

“You see, I think I like tormenting you and Changbin more than him knowing what we did to you, at least not yet, so if you don’t want me to send him the videos, let’s continue to keep what happened a secret, ok?” Kurt asked.

Felix remained shocked, unable to answer for a long moment before he slowly nodded, seeing as Kurt was waiting for some kind of approval.

“Good boy,” Kurt commented, slightly tapping Felix’s cheek before letting go of him. “See you later, Shorty.”

Felix felt tears fall down his cheeks as he was left alone in this cold room.

He didn’t want to face Changbin or go back to the dorms now.

He wanted to fade away.

To stop existing.

 

—

 

“Why isn’t he answering!?” Changbin screamed in rage as he ran around the school, searching for Felix.

That picture he had received from him had been taken from whoever was bullying him. It enraged him, because the person had clearly sent this picture to one of Felix’s friends just to mess with them. Changbin had quickly told everyone that they needed to find Felix, that he was in trouble, before he left. They had scattered over the campus and had been searching for him for a moment now.

It was unnerving. Was Felix hurt again? Why wasn’t he answering his calls?

Shit!

Then, Changbin received a call from Jeongin.

“Hey! What’s happening? Why are you all panicking? I’m with Felix now.”

“What?! You’re with him? Why isn’t he answering his phone?” Changbin asked.

“I don’t know. Felix…”

Jeongin asked him the question and Felix answered, but Changbin couldn’t understand him, so Jeongin repeated his answer.

“Hum… He said he didn’t want to,” Jeongin told him hesitantly.

Changbin was angry now. Felix couldn’t do that to them, not with how things were now. Did he even realize how worried they all were?! Still, he took a deep breath and forced himself to calm down a bit. At least, Jeongin was with him now.

“Is he ok? Is he hurt?” Changbin asked.

“He looks fine. Seriously, what’s going on?”

“Where are you now?”

“We’re on our way to the dorm,” Jeongin sighed, clearly annoyed with the lack of answers on Changbin’s part, but not too insistent about it either.

Changbin hung up and ran back the way the dorm was. As soon as he saw them, Changbin screamed Felix’s name. Felix and Jeongin turned around, surprised. Felix’s expression changed for one of shame and fear, probably expecting Changbin to scold him or something. It hurt Changbin to see him like this while he was already going through so much with his bullies already. So he did something else instead, something that felt right in that moment…

“Felix…” Changbin repeated as he finally reached them and then hugged him. “Don’t do that to me again, please. Answer my calls...”

Felix seemed shocked for a moment before he hugged him back. “I’m sorry hyung…”

His voice sounded wrong, raw, and yet emotionless.

Changbin didn’t know how to feel about it.

For now, he was just glad Felix was safe.

 

—

 

Chan knocked on Felix’s door and entered after a few seconds of silence.

“We have to talk,” Chan told him softly.

Since Felix had come back to the dorm with Jeongin and Changbin, he had isolated himself in his room. He had not answered any of the questions Changbin had asked him regarding his bullies and what had happened, only telling him that he didn’t want to talk about it.

It had annoyed Changbin, but he had been able to control his anger and let Felix have his own space and privacy once they got back to the dorms. Changbin cared for him a lot, he wanted to help, like everyone else, but Felix was pushing him away a lot lately.

Chan wasn’t sure how to read Felix’s changed interactions with Changbin. They used to be so close… At first, he thought that maybe the proximity with others made him uncomfortable, because he had been assaulted, but Felix looked fine with hugging others. It was strange and something just didn’t feel right… Why had they sent the picture to Changbin? Was it because it was the last number Felix had texted? Or was it something else? Felix had mentioned before that he didn’t want anybody to know about what had really happened, especially Changbin. It was all too suspicious…

Chan closed the door behind him and walked up to Felix who was lying in bed, looking at the ceiling above him and not even acknowledging Chan’s presence.

“Changbin showed us the picture. I have a few questions. Can you please try to answer them?”

Silence.

“The bullies… You know what they look like, right?”

Felix nodded to Chan’s surprise. He was glad that he was answering. Chan had feared that Felix would just remain silent and motionless.

“Are they in the same program as you?”

Felix shook his head.

“Are they going to this university?”

Felix shook his head again. Chan felt like the answers he was getting was making him angrier. They were slowly leading him to the culprits. Oh, and how much he wanted them to pay for hurting his little brother. He wasn’t someone violent, but for the first time in his life he really wanted to hit someone in the face… repetitively.

“Do you know them?”

Felix didn’t answer then, and Chan didn’t like it. He thought deeply about everything he knew so far, everything he had noticed…

“Do they know Changbin?”

Felix’s teary eyes darted toward him then.

“Can you tell me why they are targeting you?” Chan asked, concern and anger still growing inside him, realizing that Changbin or any of their friends could also be a target.

“You can’t tell him,” Felix told him then, his desperate voice making Chan’s heart drop a bit.

“You should tell him though,” Chan replied softly.

“I can’t, they… At first, they did it so it would hurt him to know about it.”

Felix voice was raw, so close to breaking again, and Chan was ready to go out there and find the fucking assholes who dared do this to his brothers and beat them up bloody.

“At first? What about now?” Chan asked, hardly containing his anger now.

Tears fell down Felix’s eyes and he turned his eyes away again. He remained silent, clearly too emotional to answer. Chan stood up and was ready to head out, too angry to stay here and do nothing when he had a way to find them and make them pay. He could just ask Changbin. And Changbin would be more than happy to give their names and get revenge.

“They have videos…” Felix’s scared voice stopped him then. “Videos of that night.”

Chan couldn’t move anymore, remembering Felix’s broken sobs and the blood and bruises that covered his body, his thighs…

“They said that if I told anyone, they would send them to Changbin.”

Chan turned around to face Felix then. “You have to report them to the police, Felix. They need to be punished for their crimes.”

It was the only thing he could think of now to stop Felix’s bullies. They were criminals, and they should rot in jail.

“I can’t! Because… Changbin will know then. He’ll feel guilty for it and so many people will know what they did to me… I don’t want that.”

“But they hurt you and they are still bullying you!” Chan replied.

“I don’t care! I can deal with it! But I can’t deal with Changbin blaming himself because of this!”

Chan was silent for a long moment, shocked by Felix’s selflessness. He was clearly suffering, but still thought of Changbin’s well-being before his own.

“Don’t you think he’ll be more hurt if he learns you’ve been hiding it all to protect him? That they are still free to do whatever they want, because you wanted to protect him?”

Felix didn’t answer, looking shocked by the sudden question.

“I’ll let you think about it for tonight, ok? I think you need some rest.”

Chan walked out and closed the door behind him.

He let out a sigh and walked up to the others who were waiting for an explanation in the living room. At least their dorm’s rooms were isolated enough that he knew they probably didn’t hear anything clear despite their loud conversation.

“We fought… He won’t tell me who did it. He is resting now.”

It wasn’t really a lie, even if there was some hidden information, and it was enough to give Felix the night to think about it. Chan didn’t want to break his promise or tell them what was really happening when Felix wasn’t ready to do so, but, if he remained as stubborn as he was, Chan would have to. Felix would maybe hate him, but all Chan wanted at this point was to put an end to his little brother’s torment.

“Damn, this is messed up,” Hyunjin commented.

Everyone could only silently agree with him, but only Chan really knew how truly unsettling this whole thing was.

He just wanted them all to go back to their usual peaceful days.

Was it really possible?

He hoped so…


	4. Darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi dear readers! 
> 
> So this chapter is basically full of ups and downs :)
> 
> TW: depressive thoughts... 
> 
> PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT <3
> 
> Thanks!!
> 
> (Tumblr: Wakeyx)

“Hey, Felix? We’re going out to get something to eat. Want to come with us?” Hyunjin asked, entering his room a few seconds later.

Felix was just standing up, looking surprised.

“So?” Hyunjin encouraged him with a small smile.

“Yeah, sure,” Felix answered, giving him the same smile.

It was a shadow of Felix’s old bright smile, but Hyunjin was happy that he got some kind of happy reaction out of him. Things had been pretty heavy lately, and Felix was experiencing the worst of it. Chan had told them that Felix needed them to act normally and be there for him, so that was what Hyunjin was going to do.

“What do you feel like eating?” Hyunjin asked as they headed outside.

“Let’s eat chicken, so we can order some for the others too,” Felix chose.

“Good choice, good choice!”

On their way there, they talked about stupid things, recalling inside jokes and even messing around a bit. Felix smiled, and he even laughed. It was nice, not exactly the same as before, but it was better than it had been for days.

When they got back, everyone was waiting for them. Korean pop songs were playing in the background. The energy was so warm. Felix let himself enjoy it. He needed this, a normal happy night, just having fun with his friends and not worrying too much about his problems.

They ate and Felix didn’t even feel nauseous, even if he ate more than in the past few days. They played games too.

Felix felt like this was all just a dream, it was so weird. He knew that his problems were still there, but for this single night, he was able to push them aside, and enjoy some good time with his closest friends again.

For a moment, he even thought that he could truly heal from his trauma.

For a moment, he thought that maybe there was still hope for him.

For a moment…

 

—

 

The next day, Felix walked with Chan, Minho and Jisung to the university. It was the first class Felix felt like going to in a week.

Felix was smiling again.

Until he saw Kurt.

He was just hanging out on the other side of the road with his two same friends as usual.

Felix’s smile dropped instantly and he suddenly stopped walking, he stayed frozen for a moment, just looking at them with a growing panic, until he remembered that he wasn’t alone. He turned his eyes to Chan when he realized what he had just done unconsciously. His fears were confirmed when he noticed the hot anger in Chan as he glared at Kurt and his friends. He had just told Chan who his bullies were without even uttering a word. Felix grabbed his arm and tried to get his attention back to him.

“Chan, don’t…” he started.

“It’s them, right? They are the ones who hurt you?” Chan growled. 

Felix didn’t answer, but to his surprise Chan wasn’t the first to move. Jisung and Minho both walked quickly to Kurt and his friends. Kurt turned around when his friends noticed the two boys heading angrily toward them. And then Jisung punched him. Minho kicked Jim in the chest, making him fall, and turned to the last one standing, trying for a punch. The other guy blocked him and punched Minho in the stomach.

“Stop! Shit… Stop, guys!” Felix tried, running to them.

Jisung punched the one Minho was still fighting. Kurt and Jim were already standing back up, looking angry.

Then, Chan grabbed Kurt’s collar and lifted him a bit from the ground, even though he was a bit smaller.

“You’re gonna regret hurting Felix!” He roared.

“Chan! No!”

No words seemed to be enough to calm them down. Chan prepared his wrist and Kurt looked at Felix with a troubling smile on his lips. Felix had to do something! He had to stop them!

“STOP! They aren’t the ones!” Felix lied then.

Everything finally stopped at that moment. They all became suddenly motionless and looked at him, perplexed.

“What? But…” Chan said, letting go of Kurt, visibly confused.

“They aren’t the ones! Why did you just beat them up? What the fuck is wrong with you!?”

Everything was so silent now. Felix wanted to disappear, he felt ashamed of protecting these monsters, but he couldn’t let Minho and Jisung know, or get Chan into his problems. He also feared that Kurt would just send the videos if he thought that Felix had told them, when he hadn’t really.

“Shit… We’re sorry, we, hum… We mistook you for other guys,” Jisung broke the silence, still looking deeply concerned.

Minho helped up the one that had given him a punch in the stomach. “Yeah, sorry…”

Chan let go of Kurt and went ahead, not saying a word. Felix followed him, and Minho and Jisung did so too soon after.

Chan stopped once they were inside the building.

“They deserved that. No… They deserved way worse than that,” Chan told him, still clearly angry and not believing Felix’s lie.

Jisung and Minho joined them a few seconds later still looking confused, but not having heard what Chan had said.

Things were tense again and Felix hated it.

He felt like it was his fault.

Damn it…

The entire class, Felix kept thinking about what had happened. It was stressing him out, but when the class finally ended, Chan, Jisung and Minho were waiting for him to come out, smiling widely at him, as if nothing had happened before their classes.

They didn’t talk about the fight and tried to make things lighter between them. Felix was grateful for their efforts. It felt nice, even if he was still anxious and hated that he had lied to them.

That night, they were eating pizza and playing games. Everything was going as great as the night before…

Until Felix received a call. He went into the kitchen, away from the living room where the others were making too much noise.

“Hey, Shorty, having a good time?”

Felix froze, recognizing the voice right away.

“I’m not really happy about what happened earlier.”

Felix had difficulty breathing. This voice was triggering too many bad memories.

“Wanna go out for a bit?”

“No… Leave me alone,” Felix let out quietly, as if the words were burning his throat.

“Come on, don’t be like that! I still enjoy messing with you. It would be sad to end it all so soon.”

Fear was gripping at his heart, nails digging in, as if it was Kurt’s own hand holding it, playing with his life like it didn’t matter if he went too far.

“Who are you talking to?” Changbin’s voice boomed in the kitchen then.

Before Felix could answer him, his hyung took his phone, looked in his terrified eyes and spoke to the person on the other side.

“Who the hell are you?” Changbin asked. “Uh? They already hung up?”

Felix acted on impulse then. He took back his phone and smashed it on the floor with all the force he had. He couldn’t let Changbin look at the number. If he recognized it…

The whole apartment was suddenly so silent, as if frozen in time.

Changbin was completely shocked by Felix’s reaction.

The others came in the kitchen, but Felix was completely disconnected from reality now. He ran to his room and locked the door behind him. He didn’t sleep that night and only looked outside the window, at the moon. It was mocking him, so bright even in the dark.

He wished he was like the moon. So far away from this place, untouchable, yet still able to shine so beautifully.

But there he was, crying again, jealous of this dreamy heavenly body, longing to escape the hell that his life had become.

 

—

 

“Felix?” Woojin asked after knocking lightly on his door. “Dinner is ready.”

It had been a whole day. Felix had not come out of his room and was only responding by “leave me alone” or “I’m not hungry”. There wasn’t much they could do with the door still locked, even if Changbin had offered to smash the door, to which Chan had obviously been completely opposed. As long as Felix was answering them, they could let him have some time alone.

“I’m not hungry.”

Woojin sighed. Again…

“Can I bring you a plate? It’ll only be me, I promise. You can just take it and close the door again.”

There was silence for a long moment, and Woojin thought he would get no answer, but then Felix spoke.

“Ok.”

This simple answer made Woojin so happy. He went quickly back to the kitchen and made a big plate, even if he knew Felix would probably not eat even half of it, and then went back. Felix opened the door and Woojin handed him the plate with a comforting smile. Felix smiled back softly.

“Thank you, hyung.”

“Enjoy your meal!”

Felix looked outside, in the hallway, and like Woojin had promised there was no one else.

“How is everyone? Are they angry at me?” Felix asked then.

“Of course not!” Woojin quickly answered. “We know that you’re dealing with some difficult things at the moment, and we want to help you, but sometimes we’re not really doing things the right way. Changbin made a mistake yesterday, and he gets that it triggered something for you. We might be young, but we still try to support, understand and, also, protect our closest friends the best we can.”

Felix looked at Woojin, grateful for his wise words. He really had a generally parental presence, it was comforting.

“Thank you,” Felix smiled before closing the door.

When Woojin came back later to get the plate back, he was happy to see that nothing was left on it. Woojin had brought him a big glass of water and wished him good night before leaving him alone once more.

Step by step again, and as slowly as he needed.

The next day, during lunch, Felix let Woojin eat with him inside his room. They didn’t talk much, but Woojin was glad Felix was letting him in. The others were really concerned for him, and Woojin reassured him once more that no one was angry at him.

They just wanted to know what was really happening.

They just wanted to help.

 

—

 

Felix was looking to the ceiling. He was doing that a lot lately. The thoughts inside his head were chaotic, difficult to ignore, and they even caused him pain sometimes. It became hard to breathe when it happened. The shame, the guilt, the fear… It was so difficult to live with those awful emotions every single day, going through his head and piercing his heart without mercy.

He had felt better with his friends, when they started to act normally with him again, but he had messed up the other night and now he was too ashamed of the scene he had caused to face them.

Woojin was trying really hard to encourage him to get out of his room and spend some time with the others, but he just wasn’t able to do it. He dreaded the inevitable moment where he would have to tell them the truth, because he knew there was no escaping it.

Maybe they would be understanding. Maybe, passed the shame and fear, there would be relief. He could tell the police, bring them to court, make them pay for what they had done to him, like Chan and the people at the hospital had told him…

But what seemed like a simple step was unsurmountable from Felix’s point of view.

It was admitting that it had happened. It was telling Changbin what and why it had happened. It was being reminded of this trauma until the culprits were in jail.

It was too hard. He couldn’t…

There was a knock on the door then. He opened it, thinking it was probably Woojin with dinner.

“Hey, Felix,” Jeongin greeted him anxiously. “We wanted to know if you’d like to go get some stuff at the grocery store with us while Woojin and Minho are making dinner.”

Seungmin was there too. Felix didn’t know if he felt like finally getting out again.

“Come it’ll be fun,” Seungmin encouraged him.

Felix closed his eyes, trying to concentrate on the small bit of courage and strength he had left inside him. He could do this. Just go to the grocery store with his friends…

“Ok, I’ll just get dressed,” Felix agreed with a sigh. This simple answer only required a lot of effort on his part.

Jeongin and Seungmin beamed at that and Felix felt like their smiles were like the sun, giving off a warmth he hadn’t realized how much he craved until this moment.

He smiled softly at them in response and quickly got ready.

They passed by the living room, the dining room and the kitchen. Everyone was acting like it was normal to see him out of his room. It made things easier for him and as soon as the trio was out he felt the invisible pressure on his shoulders lift up almost instantly.

The air outside was refreshing. It was already dark, and again the moon was shining bright in the clear night sky.

“So, there’s this guy in our class, and I’m stuck with him for the final assignment. He’s a real pain,” Jeongin complained.

“He’s not that bad, and you’re not an easy teammate either,” Seungmin countered.

“Seungmin! You’re mean! Felix, you remember Chuwon from our English class, right?” Jeongin asked.

“Oh, you’re with him? Good luck,” Felix scoffed, remembering how the guy would ask a bunch of irrelevant questions, lengthening the classes for no reason.

Jeongin let out a groan. It was typical of their maknae to end up in a situation like this. Jisung was also good at ending up in awkward situations. The thought made him smile. Yeah, being with his friends made him feel better. The darkness inside him was not completely gone, he could still feel it, but he wasn’t so focused on it when he was with them. He had been reluctant and scared, but in this moment, with Jeongin and Seungmin, he didn’t regret going out with them.

They played around as they walked to the grocery store. Being with the two youngest of their group of friends was really nice. They were more carefree than the rest.

When they got all that they needed, they walked back to the dorms and Felix decided to stay out of his room to eat with the others, this time. No one talked about the incident of a few days ago during dinner. They acted normally.

And then, another unpleasant feeling started to make its way into his heart.

He felt out of place.

They were all happy now, like before… If it hadn’t been from him, that was how the atmosphere would have remained. He still felt it inside of him, the imminence of another scene, another breakdown… If he wasn’t there, there was no problem anymore, no sadness or anxiety. He was the only one who was bringing them all down with his trauma.

He didn’t want to be the one to taint their happiness with his awful burden.

“Felix?” Woojin asked, handing him a plate with the rest of the chicken. “Do you want more?”

“Ah, no, I’m fine, thanks,” he answered quickly.

He had let himself be drawn back in his troubled thoughts.

It was distressing how dark they were getting.

He wouldn’t tell anyone though.

They didn’t need to know.

It was his own misery.


	5. Done

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi dear readers! 
> 
> Things are getting really messy in this chapter. I hope you'll like it <3
> 
> PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT :)
> 
> Thanks!!
> 
> (Tumblr: Wakeyx)

Changbin could see when Felix disconnected from reality. It didn’t happen often when he was with others, but sometimes his eyes would dim and just stay fixed on the ground for a long moment. He would barely move and become almost unresponsive. It was hard to see him like this.

Changbin wanted to know what was troubling his friend so much. It was too unnerving to be left in the dark like this when Felix was clearly drowning in his own mind and memories of that night.

But Felix was pushing him away more than anyone. Changbin knew that he was to be blamed for the cellphone incident. He hadn’t been able to control himself when he had heard Felix’s quiet voice ask to whoever was on the other end to leave him alone. He wanted to protect him. And then… And then Felix had looked at him with so much fear in his eyes that it had broken Changbin’s heart completely.

He hadn’t been able to run after Felix or ask for forgiveness. He could remember Chan asking about what had happened. Changbin answered him probably, but it was all so fuzzy in his mind now.

He just wanted to help, but he had messed up.

He was glad Felix was out of his room again, smiling and eating with them all. Maybe he could still fix things with him.

After the dinner, Felix left the table and Changbin caught up on him quickly before he could lock himself away like he had done the past few days.

“Felix, wait,” Changbin told him.

He saw him tense, but he still stopped and turned to look at Changbin.

“I’m sorry for the other day, the cellphone thing…”

“I’m sorry too, I panicked,” Felix admitted.

“It’s ok, Felix. I shouldn’t have acted the way I did. I’m just… worried about you. You won’t tell me, or anyone else other than Chan, what’s really going on.”

Changbin felt bad for bringing that up, but he had to let Felix understand that he could tell him everything and he would always be there for him no matter what.

“Good night, Changbin,” Felix told him before he entered his room and closed his door.

Changbin had really tried to wait for Felix to be ready, but he couldn’t do it anymore.

He wanted answers, and he was going to get them, even if it was from Chan instead.

He just couldn’t keep seeing Felix push them all away.

It was just too hard…

So, he headed back to the dining room decisively. Everyone was there, talking and smiling, like there was nothing wrong happening with Felix. He put an end to all that as soon as he told Chan that he was done with the secrets, that he wanted answers for real this time.

“Changbin, just wait a little bit more. We talked about it the other day and I think he just needs a bit more time…” Chan tried to argue.

“Are you really trying to help him? Can’t you see that he’s far from alright?!” Changbin replied, anger rising quickly.

“Calm down, Changbin,” Woojin told him softly.

“Aren’t you all concerned too?” Changbin continued, looking at everyone else around the table. “We can all see that there’s something really wrong to all this!”

“Yeah, like the other day when Felix saw those guys on the campus and he literally froze,” Jisung pointed out. “I was sure they were the ones who hurt him. He looked… terrified.”

“What? You didn’t tell us about that,” Hyunjin said.

“Well, Felix said they weren’t the ones who did it, and we kind of almost beat them up for no reason,” Minho admitted. “But yeah, I was sure too.”

Changbin looked back at Chan and saw a surprising anger in his eyes. His fists were clenched on the table. Chan stood up then, silencing them all.

“They were the ones.”

“What?!” Jisung and Minho exclaimed.

Chan looked at the hallway of their rooms with an apologetic expression, as if he felt sorry for the confession he was just about to tell them.

“It was them, but they are threatening him about what happened the other night, when we found him in the rain. If they know we know… They’ll do something worse to him,” Chan explained.

“Not if we tell the police! Felix will be out of danger if we do that!” Jisung replied.

“It’s not that simple. The threat is not physical this time…”

“What do you mean? Just be clear for once, Chan!” Minho demanded, angry, realizing that he had apologized to Felix’s assailants while he should have given them hell.

“They have…”

“Don’t you dare tell them!” Felix shouted then.

Everyone’s eyes turned toward Felix who had visibly come out of his room and caught them talking about him… Shit.

“Felix…” Chan tried.

“I trusted you!” He screamed with teary eyes.

“Felix, please, just tell us,” Woojin pleaded.

“No! Why can’t you just forget about everything?!”

“Because we care,” Jisung answered.

“Then, stop caring about me! I don’t want you to! I’m ok… I can deal with it myself!”

“No, you can’t! You keep spacing out, you stay locked up in your room, you don’t go to your classes, you have breakdowns… Don’t try to lie to us! We’re like brothers, Felix, we can see that you’re struggling,” Changbin retorted.

“WE’RE NOT BROTHERS!” Felix screamed, and an uncomfortable silence settled amongst them. “We’re not even friends anymore, ok? I just want you to stay away!”

It hurt… It hurt so damn much. Felix’s words shook him deep in his soul. He couldn’t say or do anything as Felix turned around and was about to head back to his room. At least, Chan spoke up before he left.

“Don’t go, Felix… It’s only going to hurt more later.”

Felix didn’t answer anything and left, hid away in his room again. Chan was done waiting too. They had to do something before they lost Felix completely. And now he couldn’t keep in the helplessness and anger he had tried so hard to conceal.

“Changbin, I don’t know who the hell these guys are, but you know them. We’re going to find them tomorrow, and when we get them, take their phones away.” Chan told him, as if it was an order.

“I know them?” Changbin asked, confused, and Chan nodded.

“Why their phones?” Seungmin asked.

“There’s something on it... That’s what they are using against him.”

“What’s on it exactly?” Minho asked.

“You don’t want to know,” Chan replied and then left for his own room.

They were all exhausted of this unsettling situation, but at least they would be doing something about it the next day.

“What did they look like?” Changbin asked Minho and Jisung, unable to wait any longer, especially now that he probably knew Felix’s tormentors.

“There were three guys that looked like thugs. One of them was tall, dyed hair…” Minho started.

“Kurt… Fuck!” Changbin recognized instantly.

Changbin took his jacket and left in an instant. Everyone shared concerned looks.

“I’ll go with him just in case he does something stupid,” Hyunjin offered.

“Me too,” Minho and Jisung said at the same time.

“I’m coming too,” Woojin decided. “Seungmin, Jeongin, tell Chan right away.”

And just like that they were gone.

“You want to be the one to tell Chan?” Jeongin asked Seungmin, hesitantly.

“Together?” Seungmin offered.

“Guess we have no choice,” Jeongin sighed and they walked up to Chan’s door.

Things were even more messed up and uncertain now it seemed.

 

—

 

“Changbin! Where do you think you are going by yourself?” Hyunjin asked.

“Go back to the dorms, all of you! I’m gonna deal with this myself!”

“Not happening,” Jisung retorted. “We kinda have some unfinished business with those guys anyway.”

Changbin groaned.

“Alright, as long as you don’t try to stop me.”

“Changbin, maybe it would be better to wait for tomorrow, like Chan said,” Woojin tried.

“No, not happening. I know exactly who they are. I’ll make them pay right away, like I would’ve done sooner if I had known.”

Changbin’s cellphone rung then. He picked up instantly without looking at the number, certain that it was Chan trying to convince him to get back to the dorms.

“Go to hell, Chan! You knew all along who hurt Felix and you didn’t tell me. I’m not waiting until tomorrow. I know where to look for them, so that’s what I’m gonna do until I find them and…”

“So, you know?” Kurt’s voice asked then, sounding amused.

Changbin stopped walking right away.

“How the hell did you get my number?” Changbin asked, voice full of anger.

“Felix gave it to me. Isn’t he an angel?

“Shut up…” Changbin growled low.

“But he’s not so pure anymore, right?”

“What the hell are you talking about? Why did you beat him up? If you have something against me, you deal with me directly…”

“Beat him up? That’s what you’re worried about?” Kurt laughed.

Changbin felt instantly uneasy. There really was something more to it all and he was so close to learning about it.

“Stop messing around and leave him alone!” Changbin shouted.

“No, we just started,” Kurt told him.

Changbin couldn’t say anything for a moment. He was too angry, and he had already messed up. Kurt and his friends weren’t supposed to know that they knew it was them who hurt Felix, but it was too late now, the cat was already out of the bag.

Shit… What could he do now?

“He doesn’t deserve this. Just stop already. I’ll… I’ll do whatever you want, Kurt,” Changbin tried, not liking having to have to act so submissively at all, but prioritizing Felix’s well-being.

“Aw, you care about him that much?” Kurt answered, laughing. “Too bad, we’re already over, Binnie, I’ve got a new toy. Anyway, I’ll have to leave you, a guest just arrived.”

“No, wait…” Changbin tried.

“Bye, Binnie.”

The call ended and Changbin felt angrier and even more troubled. He just wanted to beat up Kurt until he truly regretted messing with Felix. Things were still unclear, but Changbin knew that Kurt had hurt Felix deeply and would continue to play with him until he got tired or Felix couldn’t take it anymore.

But, again, what could he do?

How could he really help him when everything he did seemed to worsen it all?

He turned around to face the others. He could still find Kurt, still give him hell, but, now that he had talked to him, he felt a bit empty. Kurt was the kind of person who didn’t mind getting beat up, he would laugh at them, knowing that he had something else up his sleeve, something that seemed serious, that concerned Felix and that was still a mystery to almost all of them.

“Let’s get back to the dorms and tell Chan about the call you just received,” Woojin offered, putting a hand on his shoulder and squeezing to show his support.

Deep down, Changbin was relieved that Woojin was there to decide what to do next, even if he still felt like finding Kurt anyway and make him pay.

Still, he had to agree with Woojin’s offer, because they were still too much in the dark.

Felix was the one who would suffer the consequences of Changbin’s actions the most.

Damn it… He just wanted to help him, but now things were even more messed up.

 

—

 

Chan was waiting for them, and he was even more furious this time.

Damn it. Changbin really couldn’t wait until the next day…

When Changbin and the others got back, he was waiting for them with Jeongin and Seungmin behind him, clearly uncomfortable, but not willing to leave when Chan was this angry.

“Don’t worry, we didn’t find them. Instead, Kurt gave me a call,” Changbin said.

Chan’s heart sunk then, fearing the worst.

“What did he tell you?”

“He knows that we know he’s the culprit. He’s crazy… He just wants to mess with us.”

“Why couldn’t you just fucking wait a single night?” Chan yelled.

Everyone froze. Chan was never mad to the point of yelling and cursing, at least it had never happened with them.

“You don’t understand how stupid that was…” Chan continued, but Changbin also had something to say about that.

“Yeah, I don’t know! And that’s because you won’t tell us what’s really going on!”

“I can’t!” Chan retorted. “It’s… You should have waited, like I told you. Damn it… Now it’s just gonna get worse.”

“Why? Just tell us!”

“Guys?” Woojin asked.

“I can’t!”

“Damn it, Chan! Just tell us!” Jisung agreed with Changbin.

“I won’t! Not without Felix’s approval!”

“GUYS!” Woojin yelled, stopping their fight instantly and getting all their attention at once.

They all looked at him, surprised by his loud voice. Then, they noticed he was in front of Felix’s door and it was open.

“Where’s Felix?”

“What? Isn’t he in his room?” Chan asked, concerned.

He walked to Felix’s room to see for himself. His fears were confirmed when he noticed Felix’s absence and the open window.

“No no no… Shit!” Chan took out his phone, ready to call Felix’s number, but remembered that his cellphone was broken.

Things were getting out of control so fast. What could he do now? How could he help? He didn’t know… It was too much for him to handle alone. Everything was too overwhelming. Felix was gone, his bullies were still out there playing with them all… He was helpless… It was hard to breathe… He couldn’t…

“Chan? Look at me… Breathe, ok? Just inhale…” Jisung told him then. “And exhale…”

Chan realized then that he had fallen to his knees in front of Felix’s window. It was still hard to follow Jisung’s lead as he tried to calm him down.

He used to be the one helping others, the one taking away their build up emotions and burden... That was the role he had always held amongst his friends and family. Now though, he needed them too. They all needed each other. He wished Felix would have had the same realization as him.

It took a few minutes for him to finally calm down, but, when he did, he was more determined than ever to put an end to this whole thing.

“Our priority is to find Felix.”


	6. Unfair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi dear readers!
> 
> This chapter is longer than expected because I decided to add some parts to it at the last minute :) It is angsty (as usual), but the worst has yet to come. Enjoy!
> 
> PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT <3 
> 
> Your comments motivate me to write ^.^
> 
> Thanks!!
> 
> (Tumblr: Wakeyx [you can send me asks, messages, prompts, constructive criticism...])

“Well, that’s a surprise. How did you find us?” Kurt asked, standing up and walking up to his visitor.

“I’ve seen you hang out here often before.”

“You’ve been ignoring my calls and texts for a few days.”

“My phone’s broken.”

Felix stepped back as Kurt approached him. Kurt could see his whole body trembling even if he tried to appear strong. Oh, poor thing…

“So, what brings you to me of all people?”

“Delete the videos,” Felix demanded right away.

Kurt laughed. He couldn’t be serious, right? Kurt was having so much fun messing with him, no way was he just going to delete them.

“If you don’t… I’ll tell the police,” Felix threatened him.

Now, he had Kurt’s attention.

“Nah, you wouldn’t really do that,” Kurt scoffed walking a few steps closer. Felix tensed, but didn’t move this time.

“You’ll send them to Changbin someday anyway…” Felix argued.

“Well, I didn’t expect you’d have the guts to tell the police,” Kurt admitted with an annoyed sigh walking behind Felix who only tensed more. “Someone as scared as you…”

He brushed his hand on Felix’s shoulder, the boy flinched away and it only made Kurt smile.

What Felix didn’t know was that Kurt knew how to get rid of someone. He had been working in the dark for a few years already, doing things others didn’t want to do. The pay was great. It had saved him from losing everything in the past. He knew the risks, he knew he would get caught someday, but that didn’t really matter to him at the moment.

At least he wasn’t starving to death alone or still living with his abusive father.

This simple thought made him so angry. When had Changbin really cared about him? Felix was surrounded by people that were ready to fight through hell or high water for him. It angered him so much. Especially when Changbin had said that Felix didn’t deserve what Kurt was putting him through.

Well, 7-year-old Kurt didn’t deserve to be beaten and raped by his father either!

But life was like that. It was shitty and unfair. What Felix was experiencing was nothing compared to what Kurt had to go through while growing up. No one was there to save him, to protect him, or to at least lift his spirit up… No one was there until he finally decided he was done stupidly expecting life to become better. He had joined a gang and met Jim and Minjun. He got revenge for the abuse he had suffered, thanks to the gang, and then he had worked for them and took care of the dirty jobs as a form of gratitude or payment.

If someday he ended up in jail, it would still be better than still being abused by his father, but if he could push back the inexorable moment, he would.

Sadly, that was why Felix needed to disappear. If only he hadn’t tried to act strong…

For now, though, Kurt wanted to torment him a bit more.

“Alright, let’s make a deal then?”

 

—

 

They had searched the campus completely.

They were exhausted and extremely worried. Chan thought of everything that had happened has he drove around. He was angry too, not talking at all to Changbin who was sitting beside him. The others were looking inside the school.

“Chan…” Changbin started.

“Don’t.”

“I’m sorry,” Changbin continued anyway. “Really…”

“Changbin, Felix didn’t want you all to know, especially you,” Chan said then. “Why do you think?”

“’Cause Kurt’s the culprit,” Changbin answered. “I should’ve dealt with him earlier… I should’ve…”

“Felix didn’t want you to blame yourself,” Chan interrupted him. “Look at you now, ready to pick a fight with Kurt and his friends, trying to get their attention off Felix… When I told you that you knew them, you looked like you were about to be sick. Felix wanted to protect you, keep you out of it as much as possible. You don’t even know what really happened that night two weeks ago, and look how you reacted. Felix won’t tell you, and so neither will I. I don’t think you really want to know the truth either.”

Changbin was shocked, tears pooled in his eyes at Chan’s words.

“You’ll help better if you let him be for now. You can still support him without knowing everything.”

Changbin turned his face away, silent tears falling down his face. It was hard to hear all that, it hurt him deeply. Chan was also angry and clearly didn’t have the patience to talk delicately to him. At least now he could understand why Felix didn’t want to tell him, and why he was also keeping his distance lately. It still wasn’t ok though. It still annoyed him to be left in the dark. What Kurt had done to Felix… It was surely something worse than he could think of.

“We’ll find him, and we’ll focus on taking care of him once we get him back, ok?”

Changbin could only make a small sound of agreement and nod in answer.

But how could he really only do that?

He wanted to save him from Kurt.

He wanted to get revenge…

Everything was so unfair.

 

-

 

“Felix?” Jeongin asked as soon as the door to their dorm closed quietly behind the Australian boy.

“I’m back…” He replied hesitantly. He had hoped everyone would be asleep and wouldn’t have noticed his absence.

Jeongin ran to him and hugged him right away.

“You scared us! Don’t leave like this again.”

“Sorry… Where are the others?”

He expected Chan or Changbin to be the first one greeting him back, but only Jeongin seemed to be here.

“They’re all searching for you. Why did you leave like that?”

“I needed time alone,” he lied.

“Are you for real? There are other ways to get some alone time than running away and scaring us all, y’know. That was really stupid of you,” Jeongin told him, being totally honest with him.

“Yeah… The others must be angry?” Felix asked as he took off his shoes.

“Well, yeah, a bit, but they were mostly really worried,” Jeongin answered. There was a long pause, but Jeongin finally continued, although hesitantly. “I… Felix… Even if you said we aren’t friends anymore, we still care, y’know.”

Hearing Jeongin’s words, Felix felt like he had been impaled, straight in his heart.

Right, he had said that they weren’t his friends anymore, but things had changed. He had made a deal with Kurt. Soon, it would all be over.

“I’m sorry about that. I… I still consider you all my friends, I was just angry, that’s all,” Felix smiled softly at Jeongin and saw a deep relief settle on the younger man’s features.

“You’ll always be my friend, Felix,” Jeongin said with a big smile. “You, hum… You should wait for the others to be back before you go to your room, though.”

He guessed as much, there was no escaping it since he had run away like that and they knew. They had also been searching for him, so he had to do as much at least, even if he really wasn’t ready to face them yet, especially after their fight.

“Want to watch TV while we wait for them to come back then?” Felix asked.

“Yeah! I’m gonna call them now, so put whatever you want on TV!”

Jeongin was gone to his room then to make the call. Felix settled on the couch of the living room and turned the TV on. He changed the channels until he stopped on a funny TV show. It didn’t take long for Jeongin to come back and sit beside him. They smiled, they laughed… It was easy to do so with him, even if the situation was still somehow tensed.

And then the door to their dorm opened and Chan walked right up to them. Felix stood up and Chan hugged him right away.

“I’m sorry,” Felix said, and these words felt right but also too simple.

“I’m sorry too. I didn’t tell them. I just… It’s hard to keep it a secret when they want to help you so much.”

Felix felt guilty then. He was angry at Chan, thinking he was about to betray him, but he hadn’t really. He was putting so much of his burden on Chan, and his hyung was really trying his best, but it was hard for the both of them.

“It’s ok, I get it… Things will get better soon,” Felix said.

“Yeah…”

“Just… Still keep it a secret.”

“What? Won’t you tell anyone else?” Chan asked, breaking their hug to look at Felix with concern in his eyes.

“I… made a deal with Kurt,” Felix admitted. “Once our deal is over, he will leave us alone.”

“What? When did you make a deal with him?” Now Chan was getting angry. “What’s the deal?”

“That… I’ll keep it to myself. It’ll be all over soon, so don’t worry about it.”

“How can we not worry about it?” Changbin said then, joining in on the conversation.

Felix’s heart dropped at the sound of his voice and then even more when he saw him. Changbin had puffy eyes, still full of tears. He hated to see him in this state. Felix turned to face the others who were walking into the living room as well. They looked so tired…

“Just… Give me a week, and everything will be over,” Felix argued.

“Felix…” Jisung tried with a sad tone.

“I’m gonna head to bed now. Good night.” Felix couldn’t stay there, seeing them this down, knowing it was his fault.

No one stopped him. There was no use trying, because Felix was set on hiding it from them. Another secret, and this time none of them would know what he was going through. It felt like things were just worsening from their point of view, even if Felix seemed to think the opposite.

Hopefully he was right and he wasn’t getting into more trouble.

But Changbin knew things wouldn’t be that simple.

They never were with Kurt.

 

—

 

Changbin called Kurt a dozen times. The asshole wasn’t answering anymore, and it really unnerved him, especially after what Felix had said. He didn’t sleep that night, unable to calm his anxiety. The others stayed up too. The atmosphere was heavy. Jeongin was going through the TV channels repetitively, as if he would suddenly find something worth watching, but it never happened. Woojin and Minho kept cooking things to keep their minds busy. The others were mostly on their phones. Only Chan really slept, strangely. Again, he was huddled up in his blanket beside Felix’s door.

Looking at him and thinking about the past weeks, Changbin felt bad for fighting with him. He was always trying his best to support them all, but they were caught up in a messed-up situation that he had never had to handle before. Seeing the way Felix tried to deal with it all by himself, hiding things from all of them now, he could further understand why Chan kept what happened on that stormy night a secret between them.

By trying to help him, Changbin had just worsened everything.

Now they were all in the dark, and Changbin feared the worst.

Kurt was crazy, and Changbin had been lucky to get away from him just at the right time not to face the consequences of unfriending him. Kurt was busy with other jobs, caught up in some nasty stuff, and Changbin had simply stepped aside, stopped answering him, and did everything he could to avoid Kurt. He had heard crazy stories about Kurt’s possessiveness and jealousy. When he had felt like Kurt was beginning to act weirdly, Changbin had decided to get his shit and change friends. After a moment, he made it clear with him that he didn’t want to have anything to do with him anymore and it had worked, for the most part, but sometimes, Kurt would still try to befriend him again, like that last time, when he met him on the university campus and Felix had interrupted them. Kurt was a sticky bastard.

And now he had a new target and it was one of Changbin’s closest friend.

Felix was deep in it with Kurt, and Changbin was helpless.

“We can still take care of that guy. Kurt? Yeah, like find him, beat him up and make him swear to leave Felix alone,” Minho broke the silence, entering the living room with a plate full of fresh-baked cookies.

“He’s not going to stop because we beat him up,” Changbin stated. “Still would feel good though…”

“Yeah…” Jisung admitted. “The best thing would be to tell the police at this point, no?”

“Tell them what? That our friend is having trouble with some thug? They won’t do anything…” Minho replied.

“Well, he got beat up and… we can say that we fear for his life,” Changbin offered.

There was silence again for a long moment, because of the way Changbin had said it. It was as if he really was worried about it.

“Should we fear for his life?” Hyunjin asked, concerned.

Changbin didn’t answer right away, thinking back to the stories he had heard about Kurt’s mischiefs.

“Kurt works in the dark. He could be really dangerous. Even in high school, there were rumours about him…” Changbin admitted.

All their hearts dropped at these words. They were already really worried for Felix, but they had never thought his life might be in danger as well.

“What do you mean?” Woojin asked.

“I don’t remember all the rumours, and I don’t know if they were all true, but the worst one was that of a girl that didn’t want to be his girlfriend. She ended up in a vegetative state, and it might have been because of Kurt, even though there was no clear proof of it. We all knew that he was always bothering her, threatening her… He’s known for being having freaky obsessions sometimes.”

Silence fell upon them as they all realized how much graver the situation was.

And they probably didn’t even know the worst part, Chan and Felix still refusing to tell them.

What could they really do?

How could they help him?

Protect him?

Save him?

 

—

**[TW: nothing graphic, but the italic part contains non-con and strongly implied rape content]**

 

 

_Felix felt hands all over him. He couldn’t move or do anything. His pleas for help remained unanswered. He was held down, his face and stomach on the ground. Felix could see Kurt on top of him, smiling wickedly at the fact that Felix was completely helpless under him. He struggled as much as he could… But he was too weak, firmly held still by Jim and the other guy, Minjun, who were laughing at how powerless and vulnerable their victim was._

_“P-please, let me go,” he pleaded, but it only made them laugh louder._

_Suddenly, Felix’s whole being became way more alert. Kurt had pulled on Felix’s pants and underwear. He was even more desperate to get away now. He had to. He couldn’t let them… He was already beaten, and now… and now…_

_Heavy tears fell down Felix’s eyes when he realized what was going to happen._

_It was his worst nightmare coming true._

_He closed his eyes tightly and prayed._

_God, no, please no, not this… NO!_

_-_

 

Felix sat up in his bed, gasping for air and looking around frantically. Kurt and his friends were not here. No, they were not here. He was alone in his room. He was ok… Well, not really, but at least he was not in that dark alley with them anymore.

He let himself calm down a bit, breathing deeply and reminding himself that it would all be over soon.

The deal he had made with Kurt was simple. He just had to do whatever Kurt wanted for a week. 7 days of hell, but everything would be over. Kurt would delete the videos and leave him alone for good.

It was still risky. He knew that they could not respect their end of the deal, but he had no choice. If they really didn’t, he would have to go to the police for real, even if he was truly terrified by the idea. He would have to tell them everything, to recall everything as clearly as possible… Just the idea of it made him feel nauseous. It was as Kurt had said, he was too scared, so he hoped the deal would save him somehow.

When his heartbeat and breathing came back to normal, Felix walked out of his room.

He was surprised to see Chan sleeping by his door, slumped against the wall and covered in his blanket.

Felix crouched down and looked sadly at him. Chan was having a hard time too. Felix wanted their lives to be the same as they were before all this.

He wanted Chan to stop worrying so much about him.

He wanted himself to stop having nightmares.

Felix lifted his hand to wake him up and try to convince him to head back to his room, but was stopped by Woojin’s voice.

“Don’t wake him up, he sleeps better beside your door these days.”

Felix looked at Woojin, surprised by his presence behind him, especially this late in the night. Woojin was smiling softly at him.

“These days? He sleeps here often?” Felix asked standing up and walking toward the living room with Woojin.

“Yeah… Sometimes, some of us do too.”

They reached the living room and Felix saw everyone asleep on the couch and the floor, covered in a mess of pillows and blankets. Leftovers of fresh baked cookies remained on a plate on the coffee table with empty glasses of milk.

“Why?” Felix asked, feeling a comfortable warmth settle inside him at the sight of his friends sleeping soundly despite everything that had happened.

“Because being close to you comforts us,” Woojin answered in a low voice, not wanting to involuntarily wake up the others.

“I don’t get it. I’m just giving you trouble these days.”

“Felix… That’s not how it is. If any of us was in your situation instead of you, how would you really feel? Don’t you think it would be worth the trouble?” Woojin asked.

Felix let his mind wander for a moment, but no matter how much he thought about it, there was only one right answer. He would probably do everything he could to try to help, no matter the obstacles, and never blame them.

“I see… Thank you for all you’ve done, and I’m sorry for what I said earlier. Everything will be over soon,” Felix said, smiling softly at Woojin.

Woojin smiled back, but there was still some kind of sadness in his eyes. No matter what they told him, Felix couldn’t tell them what really happened on that stormy night. He couldn’t tell them the deal he had made with Kurt either, because he didn’t want them to get involved.

A week… It was only a week of handling any of Kurt’s demands.

7 days…

And everything would finally be over.

“Minho and I baked some goods while you were resting. Want to eat some before going back to bed?” Woojin asked.

“Sure,” Felix answered, following Woojin to the kitchen.

It was nice of Woojin to act so warmly with him despite everything.

His eyes fell on Changbin before he entered the kitchen.

They used to be so close…

Would they ever be like that again after everything?

He didn’t know, but deep down he heartily hoped so.


	7. Sanity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi dear readers! 
> 
> Will Felix be able to get through the week? Well, it doesn't look too bad for now...
> 
> This chapter is only a stepping stone to what's coming :) #ANGST   
> I hope you still like this fic so far <3 
> 
> PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT!   
> (They motivate me so much to continue writing and post new chapters)  
> DON'T HESITATE TO SHARE CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISMS TOO! 
> 
> Thanks!!

Felix took out his new phone and called the number Kurt had given him.

“Shorty!” Kurt answered gleefully.

“There. You have my new phone number now.”

“Aww, you’re no fun when you’re cold like this with me. I thought we bonded yesterday. Oh wait, I forgot… We bonded earlier than that! Remember?”

Felix didn’t answer, he couldn’t. The memories of that night made him feel sick as soon as he brought them up, and he already had to relive them in his nightmares every damn night. It was all still so fresh... The hits, the fear… He could almost feel Kurt’s hands and…

“Good times, good times. Anyway, come hang out with us today. Same place as yesterday. We’re already here, so don’t make us wait too long.”

“Ok,” Felix answered and then hung up.

He looked as his phone for a long moment, then walked away from the store and to their meeting place. Once there, Kurt and his friends greeted him happily.

Felix felt so uncomfortable; even more out of place than how he had felt lately with his friends. He waited for Kurt to give him a command, to use the deal to humiliate him in some way, but it never came. Felix only remained tensed the whole time, despite how they tried to include him in their carefree silliness. He hated seeing them like that, happy, living their lives normally as if they weren’t tormenting him.

In the end, the sun set on the horizon and Kurt finally let him go.

When he got back to the dorms, the others were eating dinner.

“I’m back,” he informed them.

“Felix! Woojin made your favourite!” Jeongin told him cheerfully. “Come eat with us!”

Felix sat as his usual place and everyone continued eating like normal, except Changbin who was glaring right at him. Felix started eating despite this, like the others. Jisung was talking about something funny that had happened at school that day, Hyunjin commenting now and then, as he had witnessed the whole thing. Felix wasn’t really paying attention, but it was ok. He was just grateful that the mood was back to normal.

That night, when he woke up because of the recurring nightmares, he decided to look outside his room. Chan was still asleep on the floor, and Seungmin and Hyunjin were there too. He let his door open and went back to his bed.

He slept soundly until the morning.

Yeah, their presence comforted him too.

 

—

 

“Let’s follow him?” Jisung offered. “Like, we don’t intervene or anything unless it’s necessary, we just make sure he’s really doing ok.”

“You want us to spy on him?” Jeongin asked, already not liking the idea.

“If he finds out, he’s gonna be super mad,” Hyunjin added.

“But what other choice do we have? He’s clearly not going to tell us where he goes or what he does,” Jisung insisted.

“I’m with Jisung, we should make sure he’s ok,” Minho told them.

“What are you all plotting?” Changbin asked, walking in on their conversation.

Jisung and Hyunjin screeched in surprise by his sudden presence behind them. None of them had seen him coming, too caught up in their secret conversation.

“Ah, hum, nothing! We were just talking about, hum… what we wanted to eat for lunch!” Jisung answered, trying to look normal, but failing at it miserably.

“Y-yeah! That’s true! We weren’t talking about anything else!” Hyunjin added, worsening it all without meaning to.

Changbin only stared at them, clearly not believing them and waiting for the truth.

“We want to spy on Felix today,” Seungmin admitted simply.

The others looked exasperated at how easy it had been for Seungmin to tell Changbin.

“I’m in,” Changbin said instantly to their surprise.

At least, it hadn’t been Chan who had caught them, otherwise they would probably have been in trouble. Chan was doing his best to protect Felix these days, but his way of protecting him was not the way the others wanted to do it.

“He went out not too long ago, so maybe we can catch up to him if we go now,” Jisung told them.

And just like that they were quickly getting ready and heading out.

“Where are you all going?” Woojin asked as he saw them leave.

“We’ll be back before dinner!” Jisung replied simply and then closed the door just as Chan was joining Woojin, visibly curious.

He hoped they hadn’t been too obvious.

Oh, well, they had other things to be worried about anyway.

 

—

 

“That’s all, you can go now. If I want anything else, I’ll call you,” Kurt told Felix.

He had only asked him to buy them snacks and drinks. Of course, it had annoyed Felix, because he didn’t have money to spend on that, but he expected more than that. He really thought this week would be awful, but for now things were not so bad. It wasn’t pleasant, far from that, but it was easier than he thought it would be.

Something inside him was telling him that it was just part of Kurt’s plan.

That there was something else coming…

Something nasty.

 

—

 

Changbin almost ruined their cover when he saw Kurt and his friends with Felix. Luckily, Jisung and Minho stopped him just in time.

“I’m gonna beat them up,” he growled.

“Wait! We get how you feel, but you can’t!” Jisung told him.

“Felix will hate us if we interfere,” Minho added, as if to convince himself as well.

“But… But they are the ones, they are just there, with him…” Changbin’s voice became suddenly soft and emotional.

They could understand how useless he felt, how much he just wanted to help Felix but couldn’t.

“We’ll get back to them, we’ll make them pay, but not now, not with Felix around and whatever they are using against him,” Jisung said.

“If they hurt him though, I’ll give them hell,” Hyunjin said in a dark voice that took them all by surprise.

“I think we all agree on that, but for now let’s just watch, ok?” Minho told them.

Changbin agreed and they got back to spying on Felix and his bullies. They didn’t do much, only made him bring them snacks and drinks it seemed, and then he was on his way back to the dorms.

It was weird and didn’t reassure them at all that Felix was dealing well with all of this.

Why were there always so many things hidden from them?

What deal had they made exactly?

They were still in the dark… They hated it. Changbin the most. If he knew at least the whole story, he could maybe get further help. He still had connections with the old gang, even if it had been awhile.

Changbin started thinking about this a lot. It had been so long. What were the real risks of dealing with Kurt’s gang directly despite it all not being a problem related to them?

What was happening with Kurt was not of a scale big enough to disturb the boss for this, yet Changbin was truly considering it the more time passed.

He thought he could find a solution, but he didn’t know enough and was already running out of ideas. If things got too far, he would call the old gang.

Dinner that day was unbearably tensed. They wanted to speak up, talk about what they had seen while following Felix, but they couldn’t. Woojin tried to instigate conversation and break the weird tension in the air, but it was no use. They were all thinking to themselves, reflecting on the situation and what they should do about it.

They couldn’t just let Felix deal with it by himself. They really cared too much about him.

They wouldn’t let him be hurt again, no matter what.

 

—

 

Chan woke up, startled when Felix opened the door of his room in the middle of the night. He was sleeping in the hallway again.

“Oh, sorry, hyung. Did I wake you up?”

“It’s fine,” Chan looked around, Woojin, Seungmin, Hyunjin and Jeongin were also asleep around Felix’s door.

“Did you have a nightmare?” Chan asked.

“Yeah… Are you all ok, sleeping here?” Felix asked, looking concerned and oddly guilty.

“Yeah, we’re fine, don’t worry. I hope you don’t mind…”

“If you want, you can sleep inside my room instead. Or we could all sleep in the living room like you all did the other day,” Felix offered, looking embarrassed. “It would probably be more comfortable for you all.”

“Sleepover in the living room tomorrow then?” Chan asked with a smile.

“Yeah, and Woojin better make fresh-baked cookies again,” Felix added with a small laugh. “I’m gonna go back to sleep now. If you prefer sleeping in my room, you can. I, hum… I also feel better with you around, so I’m gonna leave the door open anyway,” he admitted looking to his other friends with a found smile.

He felt bad for all the trouble he was getting them through, but they were all stubborn and Woojin’s question of the other night had him thinking about their friendship a lot. He would do the same for any of them as they did for him, even if it was annoying him a lot. He would try to help, even if they said they didn’t want their help. He would never give up, just like they were doing.

Even if he felt out of place, there was still hope that things would get back to normal, or close to it, at least as long as he and Kurt both respected their part of the deal.

Chan stood up with a yawn and entered Felix’s room.

“Let’s go back to sleep then.”

 

—

 

Felix woke up feeling rested like he hadn’t been in weeks. He sat on his bed and heard a groan beside him. Surprised, he turned to look at the source.

Chan was there, still deep asleep with drool on the side of his mouth, a light snoring escaping his open mouth. Felix smiled at himself at the sight.

“Oh, you’re awake!” Jeongin greeted him cheerfully from the hallway, startling him a bit. “Breakfast is ready. Wake up Chan and come join us, ok?”

He was gone before Felix could answer. A little laugh escaped his lips as he turned back to look at Chan to wake him up. It took a few tries before his hyung finally opened his eyes and told him he would join them shortly.

When Felix entered the dining room, he was greeted cheerfully by everyone.

It was nice. It felt like the sun outside was somewhat warmer and brighter.

“Tonight, we’re having a sleepover in the living room!” Chan announced happily as he also took place at the table.

“Yeah! What movies do we watch? And what snacks do we eat?” Jisung asked, already hyped.

“You’re too loud,” Minho groaned beside him, still not fully awake.

“Oh, I know! What about…” Jeongin started answering louder, completely ignoring Minho’s request, probably voluntarily.

A small laugh escaped Felix’s lips and he joined in on the conversation, proposing snacks that he liked. It was a Saturday, so they all had the day free, not that Felix really cared about school these days anyway. They decided to split the tasks for their sleepover’s preparation. Felix, Changbin and Hyunjin were given the task of buying the snacks, so they got dressed and headed for the supermarket as soon as they finished eating breakfast.

While they were shopping, Felix kept checking his phone. Kurt would certainly call, ask him to do some things for him, and then Felix would certainly be free for the rest of the day, but, as the hours passed, he still got no news.

It unnerved him more and more, knowing that if Kurt called later in the day, it would certainly interfere with the plans he had made with his friends.

And then, just as they were heading back to the dorms, right before dinner, Kurt finally texted him.

“Oh, I forgot something! Go ahead, I’ll come back soon,” Felix told them and handed his bags to Changbin and Hyunjin.

He was gone before they could say or do anything.

Once out of sight, Felix looked at the message. It was an address and a simple demand to come. It was a few minutes away only at least, so he didn’t have to take the bus or anything. He got there as quickly as possible. He wanted to be done with it quickly.

He needed that sleepover they had organized for his mental sanity.

The place Kurt had told him to go to was a shady building, clearly occupied by people with low income. He walked up the stairs to the apartment mentioned in Kurt’s message. He pressed the doorbell and Kurt opened the door, greeting him cheerfully.

“Shorty! Come in, come in!”

Felix entered despite the deep anxiousness he felt. Contrarily to the past days, he wasn’t outside, in the open, he was in Kurt’s apartment. And only two weeks ago, Kurt had… he had beaten Felix and…

“Relax a little bit, Shorty,” Kurt teased him, noticing how tense he was, but it didn’t help in any way.

“What do you want?” Felix asked, wanting out as soon as possible.

This place was disgusting. It was small, dark, smelled awful and was a complete mess. Rotting leftovers of food remained in the sink and all around the kitchen, dirty clothes and trash littered the floor, there was dust all over the place, so much that it was almost difficult to breathe… Felix was not a fan of cleaning up, but this was way past acceptable. This was really sickening.

“See, I’ve been pretty lazy these days, so I have a few chores to do, but I still don’t wanna do them. So, you’ll do them for me,” Kurt requested.

Felix looked around the filthy apartment once more. No, he couldn’t… There was too much to do…

“You can’t be serious?” Felix asked.

“Get started now or you won’t be done before the day ends,” Kurt told him nonchalantly, walking to the couch, where Jim and Minjun were sitting, looking at him with amused smiles. “Cleaning supplies are under the sink.”

Felix stayed frozen for a long moment. His friends were waiting for him, but he would never be able to finish this soon enough for their sleepover.

He took out his phone and texted Chan that he would be late for dinner.

He had no choice but to accept Kurt’s request.

It was their deal.


	8. Burning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi dear readers!!
> 
> Some of you will hate me for this :) Don't worry, things will get worse, but there will still be a happy ending ^.^ This chapter can be Changlix if you squint, but there are no real pairings in this fic, just brotherly love <3
> 
> Anyway, I hope you'll like this angsty chapter! 
> 
> PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT, NO MATTER HOW SMALL IT IS! :D
> 
> Thanks!!

The clean-up of the entire apartment took hours.

It was past 8 pm when Felix finally finished cleaning everything. It had been a difficult and disgusting task, especially the toilet. Just thinking about it made him nauseous again. He had almost worsened the state of the toilet a few times while cleaning it… He shivered in revulsion at the awful memory.

Felix was exhausted, he had done everything he could as fast as possible. He didn’t want to miss the sleepover he had organized with his friends.

“I’ll be going now,” Felix announced as he headed toward the door.

“No, you’ll hang out with us tonight,” Kurt decided, interrupting him quickly before he could exit. “You like playing video games, right?”

“I can’t stay…” Felix started.

“What? I thought you were supposed to do everything I wanted this week,” Kurt said, sounding disappointed as he walked up to him.

Felix clenched his fists. He was stuck. Again… But it was only for a week. Kurt put his arm around Felix’s shoulders and then showed him the control. He hated that he was allowing Kurt to remain so close to him, especially with how every fibre of his being was screaming at him to run as far away from him as possible.

But he had to do this…

“You won’t break the deal so soon, right? Let’s play a few games.”

Felix thought of his friends, how they were already waiting for him… But he couldn’t let Kurt send Changbin the videos, so he hesitantly reached out to take the control that was handed to him, but Kurt took it away quickly, suddenly grimacing in disgust.

“Before that, you need to get cleaned up, you’re all dirty because of the clean-up you did and you smell too.”

Before Felix could do anything, Jim and Minjun were forcefully dragging him to the washroom.

Feeling their hands on him, Felix panicked for real this time. It was too much like that other night. He yelled at them, pleading them to let him go, but they didn’t listen, only laughed as if it was all just a game. His whole being was completely overwhelmed by the distress he felt.

He didn’t care anymore!

He was done with their deal!

He wanted to leave!

No, he _needed_ to get away from here!

They pushed him in the bathtub and opened the shower right away. Cold water fell on him and he was unable to do anything but stare at his tormentors with a fear so deep it made it hard to breathe properly.

Jim took a bottle of liquid soap and poured a good amount all over him, some falling in his mouth and his eyes. The pain and bitterness of it didn’t really bother him though through his terror-stricken mind.

Felix tried to stand back up, escape them and this terrifying situation, but they pushed him back down.

They wouldn’t let him leave until they were done with “cleaning him,” despite the fact that he remained clothed the whole time.

After what seemed like an agonizingly long time, they finally finished and pulled him out of the bathtub. He couldn’t stand on his trembling legs, so he crumbled back down. They didn’t really care, visibly amused by the traumatized boy sitting on the floor, shivering in cold and in shock. They threw a few towels at him and brought him a change of clothes too big for him.

“Get changed now.”

“N-no,” Felix blurted out, lifting pleading eyes to Kurt and his friends who didn’t seem to be about to leave him alone in the bathroom to change.

He didn’t mind freezing in his own clothes. He was not changing in front of them… They had already seen too much of him… He wasn’t going to voluntarily make himself vulnerable, especially after all the pain they had caused him, and still did.

“Don’t give me that. Come on, I don’t want you to get sick, at least not this week, y’know,” Kurt replied, annoyed with Felix’s opposition.

Felix remained silent and motionless, overwhelmed by the fright and shame he felt.

“Or do you prefer we take off your clothes for you instead?” Kurt offered with a wicked smile, walking closer to Felix who instinctively stood up and backed away quickly, only to fall back down in the bathtub.

“I’ll do it! I’ll do it myself!” He told them, his voice so raw it revealed all the fear he truly felt, as he stood up once more, but remained upright this time despite his unsteady legs.

He made up his mind to try to change as quick as possible while they remained there, looking at him, but as soon as he had removed his shirt, Kurt grabbed his wrist and pushed on one of the remaining bruises from two weeks ago on his ribs. Felix flinched away and looked up at Kurt with dread.

“You’re almost all healed up, uh?”

Felix didn’t answer, only tugged on his arm, trying vainly to escape Kurt’s strong grip on it.

“L-let go, you asshole!” He finally screamed, desperate.

And just like that Kurt let him go, but the small relief Felix felt was almost immediately replaced by stupor, as a burning sensation appeared on his left cheek and his face was suddenly facing to the right. Then Kurt grabbed his neck and forced him to look at him in the eyes.

“Don’t you dare insult me.” Kurt demanded with a cold tone that made Felix’s whole body freeze. “Now stop messing around and get changed. You still have to play a few games with us, remember?”

Felix hardly contained his tears when Kurt finally let go of him.

He did as he was asked, more out of fear than because he wanted to respect their deal.

He was seriously hating himself for accepting this deal now, and he knew deep down that it would just get worse and worse.

He had suffered so much already…

He couldn’t give up now either.

He was going to get through it.

He was going to…

 

—

 

“Why won’t he answer his damn phone!?” Changbin growled.

They had been waiting for Felix the entire evening. Everything was ready, but he was missing and not answering his phone.

Minho and the others were bummed out. They were worried, but also sad, because they had been excited for nothing in the end. Without Felix, it wasn’t the same…

“At least he texted us to tell us he was safe,” Chan muttered, looking at the text in question. He had received it a few minutes ago, and even if it was somewhat reassuring, it didn’t mean they weren’t still extremely worried.

“Let’s clean things up,” Woojin told them.

Where the hell was he?

Was he in trouble?

Was he with Kurt again?

Damn it!

 

—

 

Felix looked at his phone. He was too ashamed to answer any of his friends’ messages or calls. They had tried to reach him so many times…

Now it was past 1 am.

He was so tired… Physically, but also mentally and emotionally, and just… just everything that was happening was literally draining the life out of him.

He sighed deeply as he entered the apartment. All the lights were closed, there was no sound… He realized with a pang in his heart that their sleepover had been completely ruined, because of him.

He still walked quietly to the bathroom. He locked the door and undressed himself. He looked in the mirror for a moment. Like Kurt had said, the bruises were almost gone now. The cuts and scratches were healing well. There was only a light redness on his left cheek, but otherwise he was getting better, right?

But in his heart, he felt more tormented than ever. And he was even causing so much trouble to his friends. He couldn’t help but feel this way despite what Woojin had told him.

He took a long shower, progressively increasing the temperature until the water became scorching hot, hoping it would burn away the memory of Kurt’s touch on his skin.

Felix kept telling himself that nothing had really happened, that he was just freaking out for nothing, but desperate sobs still escaped his throat.

He just hated it so much…

The anguish he felt was tearing him apart.

But he had only four more days to go.

Only four days…

 

—

 

Chan didn’t sleep at all that night, waiting for Felix to come back home. When he finally arrived to the dorm, Chan remained in his room and waited for him to go to his, but instead Felix went to the bathroom and Chan walked up to the door, but hesitated to talk to him, ask him if he needed him. These days, Felix was hard to read. Chan wanted so much to be understanding, to be there for him while giving him the space he needed, but Felix was going too far. Being gone until so late without telling anyone, and then coming back and…

He heard Felix’s sobs in the bathroom amongst the sound of the running water and his heart broke.

What if Kurt and his friends had done it again? This simple thought made the remains of his heart drop in fear. He… He didn’t want to ask. He was scared that maybe he had failed once more at protecting him, because he was confused and overwhelmed by everything and didn’t know what to do to help.

What a great friend he was, uh? He felt completely powerless… It was a recurrent feeling these days.

Chan wasn’t able to just leave him alone in the end that night. He let the younger boy have his own space while taking his shower. He sat by Felix’s room and waited for him to be done. When Felix finally got out of the bathroom and noticed Chan, he turned his eyes away almost instantly, clearly ashamed.

“Let’s go to bed now. We’ll talk tomorrow, ok?” Chan told him with a soft, but clearly tired, voice.

Felix nodded and they did just that, silently, softly, contrasting with the chaotic emotions and thoughts inside of them.

They settled in Felix’s bed, and Chan embraced him, hoping that it would be enough to wordlessly share with him how much he still, and would always, care about him.

Felix held onto him until he fell asleep in Chan’s comforting arms.

That night, Felix didn’t wake up from a nightmare.


	9. Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi dear readers! 
> 
> Here's a long and heavy chapter... Things are slowly culmunating :) 
> 
> Btw, language becomes heavier (cursing and all) as the story progresses. 
> 
> PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT! <3
> 
> Thanks!!

“Where were you?” Changbin asked angrily as soon as Felix arrived in the dining room that morning. “With what happened already… I told you to answer my calls!”

Everyone was sitting at the table, drinking coffee or tea while eating a small breakfast, clearly not hungry.

“Sorry,” Felix told them simply, joining them at the table, knowing that he couldn’t escape this discussion, at least not right away.

“That’s not an answer, Felix,” Chan said calmly, supporting Changbin’s reaction.

Felix didn’t want to answer. Woojin gave him a cup of coffee already mixed with the exact quantity of milk and sugar. He thanked him quickly, and took a sip of his coffee.

“You were with Kurt, right?” Changbin asked then, and Felix was startled by his guess.

Still, he remained silent, drinking his coffee.

“Really? And this late? Felix… Did they hurt you again?” Jisung asked, visibly worried.

Everyone was visibly more concerned now.

“No, they didn’t. We only played video games,” he lied.

“Video games?” Chan repeated. He clearly didn’t believe it, which made sense since he had probably heard him sob in the bathroom when he had gotten back from Kurt’s apartment the night before.

“What the… Are you kidding me?” Changbin asked, angrier now. “Why are you even hanging out with them!?”

Felix clenched his jaw, annoyed. He knew he would have to face them in the morning, but it didn’t mean he wanted to or was ready for it.

“Felix, this is getting too far, I can’t let you continue like this,” Chan said sadly.

Felix didn’t want to fight with them. Not again. He took a last sip of his coffee.

“Yeah, well, you’ll have to. I’m heading out…” He simply told them as he stood up.

Woojin got in his way, not wanting to let him leave like this.

“Felix, don’t go,” he pleaded.

Felix remained still and silent for a long moment. It was hard to leave like this, but he was scared of where their conversation was going. If it continued like this, would he end up involuntarily letting information slip about his deal with Kurt? About what Kurt had done the night before? Or on that stormy night?

He couldn’t risk it. He didn’t feel stable enough emotionally to continue this conversation with them.

He needed to leave.

“I said to give me a week. There is only four days left. After that, everything will be over.”

He walked around Woojin, who didn’t insist any more, put on his shoes and left.

No one tried to stop him, despite the fact that they certainly all wanted to. They probably feared that he would just explode again, and that they would fight like the other night. They couldn’t let that happen again, because then things would get worse, just as they had gotten since then it seemed.

Felix was glad that they let him leave, but his relief was short-lived as he received a text from Kurt.

That day’s nightmare was just beginning.

 

—

 

“Congratulations everyone, we messed up again,” Changbin sighed.

“It’s not like we could have done better though,” Jeongin argued.

“True,” Seungmin agreed.

“Well, at least he liked the coffee,” Woojin said as he took Felix’s almost empty cup of coffee.

Chan huffed at Woojin’s comment, making everyone look at him with confused look. How could he laugh in this situation?

“I have some things to do today, so call me if he comes back here.” He stood up and left.

Chan was clearly not dealing well with this situation, they all knew, from the start, partly because he always tried to take care of them all, but also because he knew things they didn’t. Heavy information that he had trouble carrying all by himself, and he couldn’t share the burden with anyone else it seemed. At least not without Felix’s consent.

Changbin had had enough. He had tried so hard to avoid choosing this last possible solution, but he couldn’t let things continue like this. It wasn’t only Felix that needed saving, but Chan too, because at this rate the stress and concern he felt was going to completely destroy him.

Looking at his other friends, he was convinced that he was done keeping this a personal matter with Kurt.

He was paying a visit to his old gang…

No matter the risks.

 

—

 

Felix had arrived at Kurt’s apartment a while ago. Kurt and his friends had simply asked him to join them in the living room, and get comfortable.

It had lasted about half an hour, but obviously the calm couldn’t last. Kurt was bored and he had just the right plaything to entertain him.

“Come on, it’s a simple order,” Kurt sighed in annoyance, standing right in front of Felix who was still sitting on Kurt’s couch. “On. Your. Knees.”

Felix didn’t want to. He had heard him clearly the first time, but he didn’t want it to be a real order.

Slowly, he did as he was asked.

“There, good boy,” Kurt complimented him, and Felix really wanted to punch him right in the balls. Oh, how much he dreamed of it…

Suddenly, Kurt grabbed him by the hair, causing an uncomfortable sensation on his scalp, and Felix’s hand flew to Kurt’s hand, but he didn’t fight against the hold. He couldn’t…

“See, he’s all obedient,” Kurt praised. “Pretty sure that if I asked him to suck my dick, he would.”

Felix lifted terrified eyes toward Kurt. It was as if a shot had been fired. His body and mind reacted instinctively.

“No… No, get off me! I wouldn’t!” Felix screamed, clawing on Kurt’s finger tangled in his hair.

Kurt let go of him, shocked by Felix’s reaction and the red scratches that covered his hand now. This moment of confusion from everyone only lasted a second before everything became even more chaotic. Kurt grabbed Felix’s by the collar, lifted him from the ground and threw him on the coffee table, breaking it under the impact. The stuff that littered the table dug in Felix’s back as he hit the ground. The air completely left his lungs, and he was left gasping for it for a few painful seconds. Then, Kurt was taking a hold of his collar again and bringing his phone screen right into Felix’s field of view.

Felix almost lost the content of his stomach when he saw the image of a paused video. It was… It was him, on that stormy night, held down and… No! No no no! Was he going to send it?! No!

“Don’t forget who holds your damn reputation and pathetic life in their hand.”

Kurt let him go and Felix remained shocked on the ground, frozen in fear.

“Clean this mess, and stop acting like you could oppose me,” Kurt demanded, still angry.

Felix was up on his legs almost instantly, and did as he was asked in only a few minutes. When he finally got back to the living room, Kurt asked him to sit next to him, and so he did.

“Give me your phone,” Kurt asked, and again, Felix obeyed him.

Felix couldn’t answer and simply remained silent while his bullies were having fun going through his social media accounts and the entirety of his phone.

“Look at this, he has so many pictures with his friends!”

“On this one, he’s with Changbin,” Jim commented.

“I guess you really like these pictures, uh?” Kurt asked.

Felix nodded slightly in answer.

Of course, he liked them, they held memories… But it hurt to recall them now. He used to be so happy and carefree. Now, he was hurt and felt completely broken. He missed the time before all that, when he had only his grades to be worried about. He missed being able to have fun freely with Changbin, without being reminded of the moment when his happiness and innocence had been ripped away from him for some sort of revenge or feat of jealousy. He missed when the others weren’t as concerned about him as they were now. He missed being able to talk about anything with Chan, especially when he felt lonely or sad.

He hated his life now.

Felix remained motionless as Kurt deleted all the photos and videos on his phone. It didn’t matter, they were already saved on his computer from the backup he had been able to retrieve from his destroyed phone, and he hadn’t taken any new photos since he had gotten his new phone. He didn’t tell Kurt though, wishing that it would satisfy him somehow. But, of course, it didn’t…

“Oh! Why not call your parents?” Kurt said.

Without thinking, Felix lifted scared eyes to look at his tormentors then.

“That expression really suits you well, Shorty.”

“Please, don’t do this, don’t call them,” Felix tried, but Kurt only smiled wickedly as he called Felix’s parents.

His mother answered, he heard her soft voice on the other line, the sound making his heart ache with longing, and then, Kurt started doing some small talk with her, telling her that he was a friend of Felix and that he had something important to tell his parents.

“I’m really worried about Felix these days, that’s why I’m calling. He has stopped going to his classes and hangs out with very shady people. I think they are members of a gang…” Kurt told them, acting like he was really concerned.

Felix felt his heart sink at these words. His parents didn’t have to be dragged into all of this, but Kurt was just doing everything he could to hurt him in any way possible.

“Yes… I’m sorry to be the one to inform you of that. We tried talking to him, but he won’t seem to change back to how he used to be. We’re with him now. Could you please reason with him?”

Kurt handed him back his phone, blocking the microphone.

“Tell them everything is true and then tell them to fuck off.”

“I…” Felix started, wanting so desperately to refuse, but stopped instantly as he recalled Kurt’s hurtful reminder of earlier and the video.

Felix gulped and took his phone back.

“Mom?”

 

—

 

“He locked himself up in his room again?” Chan asked Woojin as soon as he got back to the dorm, already a bit informed of the situation by his hyung.

“Yeah. He didn’t say anything and he won’t answer the door at all.”

Chan sighed as he walked up to Felix’s door.

“Felix? Please let me in,” Chan asked, but received no answer. “I mean it. If you don’t let me in, I’ll smash down this damn door.”

Woojin was shocked by Chan’s words, but could understand why he was reacting this way.

Chan was about to step back and do as he had just said, but Felix opened the door.

“Everything’s ok, hyung, so leave me alone… I’m tired.”

Felix looked really sad and Chan hated seeing him like this. He missed his soulful smile and hearty laugh.

“Felix, please, stop this already,” Chan asked quietly. He wasn’t sure what was better to do at this point, but he preferred being there for Felix than being rejected by him. “You said four days, right? I’ll let you have this… But after that, if nothing is fixed, you have to let us help, ok?” Felix looked up at Chan taken aback by the desperation in his words. He didn’t expect him to agree to wait until the end of the week after what had happened.

“O-ok.”

“And… And, please tell me what’s going on.”

“Chan…”

“I’m begging you. Please, just tell me…”

Felix sighed and pulled Chan inside his room, closing the door behind him.

“I… I don’t know if I can trust you again… But just listen to me, ok? There is no going back now anyway, and you said you’ll let me have the rest of the week, right?” Chan hesitantly nodded and Felix breathed deeply before continuing.

There was always this recurrent painful feeling of fear in his chest lately, and telling Chan everything was also risking a lot, but he couldn’t deny that he missed having at least him to support him despite everything. He felt like it would keep him afloat, prevent him from drowning in all the dark emotions that kept building up in his chest since that stormy night two weeks ago. Chan was the one who already knew more than the others, so he was the one Felix felt more comfortable opening up to, even if he was unsure if telling him the truth was a good idea

“The deal I’ve made with Kurt…” Felix started.

He explained everything, and answered Chan’s questions, especially about the night of the sleepover. It was hard, Felix cried a bit as he told Chan everything, and even Chan couldn’t help but let a few tears fall, even if he tried to remain strong to support his little brother. He couldn’t hide the deep anger in his eyes though, but he knew that Felix only wanted him to just be there for him, just for the next three days.

Chan wanted even more to beat up Kurt and his friends, make them pay… But it would probably just make things worse for Felix later, so he swallowed down his rage. For now, at least…

When Felix was done, Chan was partly relieved that he knew everything now, but also even more furious of all the events that had happened so far. He was also afraid of what would happen next.

Chan had listened to Felix, to all his explanations, and waited for him to be over, but even then, he didn’t know what else to do or what to say.

So, he just stayed there, holding the younger boy until he finally fell asleep. He clearly needed rest. This whole thing was really demanding for the younger boy.

Once he was sure that Felix was deeply asleep, Chan left their dorm, simply asking Woojin to take care of Felix while he was gone.

He had to try something, especially after what he had just learned from Felix, despite the fact that he had said he wouldn’t interfere. His approach would be different this time though.

Chan wanted to help his little brother, save him from his tormentors…

That was what he wanted most…

 

—

 

Jisung let out a loud random whine, startling everyone around the table.

“I hate this. I want Felix and Chan back, and everything to get settled or something.”

Everyone was clearly feeling down, barely eating what was on their plates. Felix was asleep in his room and Chan was gone.

“I’ll try something tomorrow,” Changbin informed them. “I called someone…”

The others remained silent for a long moment, surprised by what he had just told them, but also confused and waiting for more information that he didn’t seem about to provide.

“And what’s this person gonna do?” Hyunjin asked.

“What are you going to do?” Jeongin added.

“Not telling you. You’ll try to stop me.”

“Not you too!” Jisung complained. “All these secrets… It’s so annoying!”

“Is it dangerous?” Woojin asked, concerned.

“No… Depends… Maybe,” Changbin answered, taking a bite of his dinner.

“Reassuring…” Minho commented sarcastically.

“It would be too complicated to explain it all, but I’ll go talk to Kurt’s boss.”

“Kurt’s boss?” Woojin asked. “Isn’t he part of a gang?”

“Yeah.”

“This is getting better,” Jisung said bitterly.

“You shouldn’t go alone then,” Woojin stated with a sigh, not even trying to convince him not to go, tired of useless fights and arguments.

“I shouldn’t involve anyone else either,” Changbin replied.

“We’ll drop you wherever you need to be. At least we’ll know where you are,” Woojin decided.

“I’ll come!” Seungmin exclaimed.

“Me too!” Jeongin shouted.

“Jeongin and Seungmin, you stay here. Minho, Hyunjin and I will go instead, so if anything happens, we’ll be all the oldest guys together,” Jisung decided.

“That’s so unfair! You’re not even that older than me!” Jeongin complained.

“Yeah!” Seungmin agreed.

“Who agrees with me?” Jisung asked the guys around the table.

Everyone but Jeongin and Seungmin lifted their hands, even Woojin and Changbin. Jisung stuck out his tongue, happy with the results, and Jeongin and Seungmin pouted in answer.

“Let’s not tell Chan though, he has already enough on his shoulders,” Changbin offered.

Nobody opposed him on that, they all knew that he was right. Chan was an incredible friend, but he was burdening himself too much.

Changbin was going to some dangerous place, but if he had a plan that could save Felix, maybe it was worth it.

At this point, what mattered the most was to free Felix from whatever deal he had made with Kurt.

Still, they were clearly anxious for Changbin.

What if he ended up in even more danger than Felix?

But they were running out of options and things were degrading too rapidly with Felix. They didn’t know what exactly was the deal he had made with Kurt, but it was hurting him and none of them trusted Kurt.

Even if Felix had told them that everything would be fixed soon, they felt like they had to stop this before then.

 

—

 

Chan called Felix’s parents to tell them that whatever he had told them was false and that Felix regretted what he had told them. It might not fix everything, but it was better than just doing nothing about it.

After that, he called Kurt. Chan had told Felix that he would let him have the next three days to deal with Kurt, but how could he really do that when the younger boy was suffering so much?

He had to try this at least.

Just this… And when the week would finally be over, he would be able to really give Kurt hell and get revenge for all that they had gone through because of him, for all that Felix had endured.

There was no way he was just going to live with the buried rage he cumulated against them without letting it out in some way.

But that was for later…

“Who’s this?” Kurt answered nonchalantly.

“Stop bothering Felix.”

“Oh, so you’re one of his friends?” Kurt asked, sounding curious now.

“This is the last warning I give you,” Chan told him coldly, but Kurt simply laughed at that.

“And what can you do against me? You must already know that I’m part of a gang too, and we’re dealing with pretty dark stuff, so what do you think they’ll do if I end up in jail because you reported me? They’ll track you all down and make you pay for that. Just let me have my fun and then I’ll leave you all alone.”

Chan was frozen, he didn’t expect this to go this far. He thought that if he called the police things would get dealt with and they would be safe, but nothing was guaranteed even if they did. Now, Chan understood how trapped Felix really felt. Things weren’t as simple as he thought they were.

“Then… I’ll take the last days Felix has left on your deal. I’ll be the one to do everything you want instead of him.”

He was running out of options, and until he found the right plan, a real solution, he could at least try to take away the burden that Felix was trying to carry all by himself.

“That’s a good offer… But no. I kinda like tormenting Felix, you see.”

The anger, the hatred and the resentment, all worsened by the feeling of being completely powerless, that Chan felt in that moment surpassed anything he had ever experienced in his life. It was like his soul itself was crying out for retaliation.

“You’re fucked up,” The words were spit with as much disgust and animosity as he felt for this crazy asshole.

Chan usually disliked cursing, but lately it seemed to be the only way to really express the depth of his anger.

“I know,” Kurt said with a laugh, and then hung up right after.

Chan looked at his phone, confirming that the call was over, and then, screamed in rage. Trying to get some steam out somehow.

Why was he so fucking useless?!


	10. Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi dear readers! 
> 
> I hope you'll like this chapter :) It is still super angsty, but I'm pretty sure you'll like some of the things in this chapter ^.^
> 
> Important note: I made a mistake on the previous chapter and forgot Hyunjin when they were talking about accompanying Changbin to see his old gang. I fixed everything, so I hope it's ok now! Sorry for that! 
> 
> PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT <3
> 
> Thanks!!

Felix didn’t sleep well that night, waking up to nightmares again. This time, they included Chan. He was there, helplessly watching Kurt and his friends while they were beating him… abusing him…

When Felix woke up screaming the first time, Chan was already holding him in his comforting arms, repeating soothing words to him and petting his hair in an affectionate way. He fell back asleep not long after.

He woke up two more times like this that night.

Until the next morning, when he was woken up by the sound of his ringtone instead of the terror of his nightmares. He took his phone on his nightstand and looked at the name of the caller. It was his assigned psychologist at school. Felix had missed his appointment, he realized as he looked at the clock and ignored the call.

Whatever…

As he could see by the window of his bedroom, the sun was bright outside. He hated it. Why was the weather so good these days? It didn’t fit with his mood at all.

He looked around his room and realized that his friends were all over the place again. They were almost all there, except Seungmin and Woojin, who were probably already up and preparing breakfast.

Felix’s eyes fell on Changbin who was snuggled up beside Hyunjin and Jeongin with his favourite plush toy, Gyu. In the other corner of the room, Jisung was leaning on Minho, snoring loudly with his mouth wide open. As for Chan, he was sleeping beside Felix in his small bed. At least, they were getting some rest despite everything.

With a sigh, he stood up from his bed and made his way through his still sleeping friends to go to the bathroom.

His phone rang again while he was brushing his hair. He almost dismissed the call again, but noticed that it was Kurt this time. He wanted to answer even less, but he did anyway. Soon it would all be over…

“A friend of yours called me yesterday,” Kurt said right away and Felix instantly feared the worst.

Chan had said that he would let him be for the next three days. What had he done?!

“Don’t worry, nothing’s changed, but I just want to make it clear with you that, no matter who you tell, it won’t change anything to your situation. I still have the videos, and I doubt that you want me to send them to your friends even if you told them everything, right?”

Felix felt like his throat was too tight to even breathe now, as if Kurt himself was strangling him.

“Anyway, I’ll be waiting for you tonight, we’re going out to the city. Be ready by 8 pm,” Kurt told him.

“Ok,” Felix hardly let out.

“See you then, Shorty.”

The call finally ended and Felix collapsed on the floor of the bathroom. He hugged himself, but the overwhelming emotions that filled his heart were making his chest hurt too much. His nails dug in the skin of his arms as he tried vainly to silence everything.

Kurt was right, no matter what he did at this point, Felix was probably completely powerless against him. The best solution would be to tell the police probably, but how could he do that? He was too ashamed, too scared of the memories of that stormy night to recall them voluntarily. He was a coward! A useless coward!

He didn’t want his parents or anyone else to know either. So… Even if Kurt did not respect his part of the deal, it wouldn’t change a damn thing to him, because Felix really wouldn’t be able to tell the police like he had threatened he would do.

He felt stupid and scared, yet he couldn’t help but keep holding onto some sort of hope that maybe Kurt would have his fun with him and then let him be after that.

That maybe he would respect his part of the deal, because of some hidden values, or whatever.

Felix was really naïve, he knew it, but it truly felt like it was his last hope.

He needed to have faith, or else he would be obliterated by despair.

 

—

 

“We’re here,” Changbin informed Woojin as they arrived near some shady building. Some men were hanging out around the main door, drinking and smoking, even if it was quite early in the afternoon.

“Are you really going in there? Look at those men! They are the exact stereotype of the bad guys!” Jisung exclaimed.

“I remember them. It’s ok.”

“Come on, let us come with you. We won’t make a scene, promise. I don’t like the idea of you going in there all by yourself,” Minho said.

“Stop being so worried about me, I can handle myself. Stay here, I’ll be back soon.” Changbin left then and they kept looking at him, still deeply concerned.

As soon as he reached the door, one of the guys quietly led him inside.

“Argh! This is too stressful! Can’t we really do anything but wait?” Jisung complained.

“He looked anxious,” Hyunjin pointed out. “I really hope he knows what he’s doing.”

Woojin didn’t say anything to reassure them, which was even more unnerving. He was usually calm and trusting, but he was clearly the most concerned of them all in that moment.

 

—

 

“What the hell are you doing here? And you dare ask to see me when you know how busy I am!” A large man with a scar on his left cheek asked as he entered his own luxurious office and saw Changbin waiting for him there.

Changbin felt instantly uneasy. It had been a while, and he wasn’t sure how the boss would react to seeing him again after so long. He used to be favoured by him, but he had left the gang.

“Hey, boss.”

A big smile appeared on the man’s lips and he let out a fat laugh.

“What’s that? Did I really scare you, son? Since when do you call me ‘boss’? You used to call me ‘uncle’, so let’s not play strangers, alright? Anyway, what a surprise to see you after such a long time, Changbin! How’s life now? I heard that you attend university?”

Changbin relaxed. He had been so apprehensive, but it seemed the man was not holding any grudge against him.

“Yeah, life’s good now. I could never thank you enough for helping me when I was still in high school, uncle,” Changbin answered.

Honestly, it was hard to be there now, near this man, knowing how much of a criminal he truly was, but there was a reason why the both of them had been in good terms, and still seemed to be.

Changbin had had a hard time as a teenager, his older sister got mixed up with the wrong people and he tried to protect her while she got her life together. He realized soon enough that he needed extra help to do so, that’s why he became friends with Kurt, Jim and Minjun, knowing that they had some connections with a feared gang. After a while, he got to meet the gang in question and the boss. It turned out the boss knew Changbin’s mother from high school. She was an old friend, even if they didn’t talk anymore, so he had gladly offered to help him if he worked small jobs for them, nothing illegal though, as Changbin had made it clear to them that he didn’t want to do anything against the law.

Things settled down with his sister after a moment, but he remained a part of the gang, because he felt welcomed there, especially with the boss’s clear preference toward him despite the fact that he wasn’t participating in any of their criminal affairs.

He left mainly because of Kurt, Jim and Minjun who only kept getting deeper and deeper into illegal stuff. And he also wanted to get back to a straight life with his family.

The boss had told him that he would always be welcome here and wished him well, even if he was clearly bitter about him leaving. Changbin had realized later that he had risked a lot by getting mixed up with them, even if he didn’t do anything illegal per say. He learned about all the horrible stuff they did in the dark, and it almost made him sick. He promised himself to never do something as stupid as joining a gang again.

But, after all these years, Changbin was back.

“It was the least I could do for the kid of an old friend! So, what brings you here today? You’re surely not here just to have some small talk, right?”

Of course, the boss was a perceptive man. He knew that Changbin had a reason to meet with him after so long, so he didn’t beat about the bush.

“I’m here about Kurt,” Changbin started and the air changed around them.

“Is this rascal causing you trouble again?”

“Yeah, he’s messing with a close friend of mine, because he’s jealous or something like that. I thought I’d deal with him myself, but Kurt did something to him and neither of them wants to tell me what’s really going on. Kurt’s using whatever it is against him, and I… I’m scared he’s gonna go too far.”

The boss sighed deeply, clearly annoyed by the news, but also not surprised about it at all. He clearly knew of Kurt’s mischiefs.

“Kurt’s job in the gang is pretty hard to fill, so I can’t get rid of him too easily. He knows it, so that’s why he’s been doing whatever he wants lately, but I guess now I really can’t let him continue like this. Don’t worry, Changbin, I’ll take care of him. He won’t bother you anymore.”

“Thank you, uncle. Then, I’ll convince my friends not to go to the police, because I know it would probably be troublesome for you if this happens,” Changbin added.

“I see you’re still caring about the well-being of our organization. You’re really like the son I never had,” the boss laughed. “You’re too clean, though.”

Changbin smiled at that. This man had so much hidden darkness, but clearly had strong friendship and family values. Changbin was lucky to have met him and not another gang boss. He had been anxious to come back, but things were going way better than he expected.

“I gotta go now, boss duties, y’know, but come again soon, and bring your parents too. I haven’t seen your mother either in a while. Anyway, don’t worry about Kurt anymore. He’ll leave you and your friends alone for good this time.”

Changbin smiled and bowed politely to him.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come back to our gang, son?”

“Nah, I’m doing well in university, but thanks for the offer.”

The man let out another fat laugh, and Changbin smiled at him.

“As you wish. Just tell your mother to call me, ok?”

Changbin nodded, and the conversation should have ended then, but he had to ask one last question.

“Are you sure it’s ok to only do that?” Changbin inquired, weirdly unsure about how quickly and simply everything had been settled.

The boss was not the type to interfere in personal problems unless he got something out of it. What was he getting out of this now that Changbin didn’t know about?

“Yeah, Kurt’s my problem in the first place. I’ll make sure he’s not causing you any more trouble.”

“Thank you, uncle.”

After that, Changbin was escorted outside. He exhaled deeply when he finally exited the place. He had thought it would be way more complicated than that, especially since he hadn’t really been in contact with the gang in so long, but he had been wrong and it was such a relief.

He felt stupid though that he didn’t visit the boss sooner. He had considered himself lucky to have left the gang in the first place without trouble and feared he would end up unable to do so if he went back. It was some kind of instinctive reaction, especially with all the illegal stuff he had learned about once he had left. Kurt had been caught in all this stuff, and he would probably never be able to live a clean life without spending at least a couple of years in prison.

Changbin was glad that things were different for him.

And now, Felix’s torment would end soon.

 

—

 

The boss thought a lot about what Kurt had done so far for him. He was a messed-up kid, didn’t mind killing and cleaning after if he could live “freely”. The problem was that he had been starting to get ahead of himself lately, so much that he was slacking off on the job, not cleaning as well as he used to, taking too long to do the assigned jobs, hanging out in obvious places… He was starting to be a liability to their whole organization, and Kurt had a job too important and risky to let him continue to act like this.

He still had Jim and Minjun who were as desperate as him to remain amongst this gang. They were good friends with Kurt and liked messing around too, but they were also way more scared of the boss. They were followers, and right now they followed Kurt’s example. If he removed Kurt, they would most likely go back to the behaviour that was expected of them.

The boss sighed. He didn’t want to think too much about it, he had more important things to take care of.

“Find Kurt. I’m done with his shit. He’s been causing me too much trouble. He’s gonna make us all get tracked by the police at this rate,” the boss told his assistant.

“Do you want to see him or…”

“No, just take him out. I’ve been giving him too many warnings,” the boss said nonchalantly.

“As you wish.”

“Oh, and I want more info on Changbin’s friends, especially the one Kurt has been bullying.”

“Understood.”

He couldn’t risk them exposing Kurt either. He knew Changbin wouldn’t tell the police, and would probably convince the others not to do so, like he had promised, but it was better to be cautious than sorry.

 

—

 

“Why did you let him go?” Changbin asked, angrily.

They were finally back to the dorm, ready to tell Felix the good news, but he was already gone. He had left only a few minutes earlier. Chan had tried to follow him, but Felix had left in a car.

“It’s not like we could have stopped him,” Jeongin replied, annoyed by Changbin’s attitude.

Chan was sitting at the kitchen table, clearly anxious. He hadn’t been able to stop Felix and now it was visibly eating at him.

“Anyway, everything will be settled with Kurt. The boss agreed to take care of him, so Felix will be left alone,” Changbin stated.

“What?” Chan asked, and despite the clear worry in his eyes, there was also a deep hope that made Changbin’s heart waver.

“I visited my old gang today, Kurt’s gang. He won’t be causing more trouble, at least as soon as the boss has dealt with him.”

“Changbin… This could’ve been dangerous!” Chan exclaimed, standing up, visibly conflicted between the emotions he felt and being rational.

“We accompanied him,” Woojin reassured him, not telling Chan that they had let Changbin go inside the shady building by himself though.

Chan sighed, feeling a bit relieved by this.

“You’re sure everything will be alright? Kurt will really stop?”

“The boss has a lot of power over him, I’m sure he will stop bullying Felix,” Changbin answered. “That’s why we should find Felix as soon as possible and get him away from Kurt in the meantime.”

“What did it cost? These kinds of people don’t do anything for free,” Chan asked.

“I don’t know yet,” Changbin admitted. “He’s an old friend of my mother, so he said it would be ok, but I feel like he might have something in mind. At least, Felix will be safe from now on, right?”

Chan and the others seemed unsure for a moment, but then Chan nodded and walked up to Changbin, putting a hand on his shoulder.

“Thank you, Changbin. We’ll help you deal with that later. Let’s try to reach Felix to get him back home safely.”

 

—

 

Felix couldn’t walk straight anymore. He was laughing at anything, even with Kurt, Jim and Minjun. They had been drinking and dancing all night. At first, he was really uncomfortable, unsure of what to do. He had gone out with his friends before, but it wasn’t the same at all.

First, Felix really didn’t feel safe with them. Second, this place was clearly full of shady people. He felt like he stood out too much in this place. Like a bright green apple in a bunch of rotten ones.

But then, he had been forced to drink shooter, after shooter, after shooter, and, at some point, Felix started to lose all sense of self-preservation and control. His mind was a blurry mess and he couldn’t help but join in on the party.

Kurt gave him a last drink before they left the bar, as it was closing soon, and Felix downed it way too fast, making the others laugh and cheer on him.

A few minutes later, they were leaving. Jim and Minjun were holding him, but their touch felt so far away and his thoughts and memories were so fuzzy that he didn’t panic this time.

They were only keeping him up anyway…

Ah… He felt sleepy now.

Why was he suddenly so drowsy?

“So, how are you feeling, Shorty? It was fun, right?”

Felix hummed in response, but his brain had more and more trouble processing what was going on. His limbs felt strangely numb now too.

“Shorty?”

Kurt took his chin and lifted it. Felix really couldn’t focus on him or do anything anymore. His whole body felt heavy, weak… It was weird… He didn’t like it…

Kurt smiled, but Felix barely registered it.

“Oh, seems like the little surprise I put in your drink is taking effect. Good.”

A surprise? What? Felix was confused. Kurt’s words…

His eyes felt so heavy and his mind was so foggy.

No… What was happening? He needed to stay awake!

And then, darkness swallowed him.


	11. Shadows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi dear readers! 
> 
> I hope you'll like this chapter :)! 
> 
> On a personal note: I received my Miroh album signed by Han and I am so happy!!!!! It's my firts kpop album and I'll treasure it all my life <3 Also, have you seen the trailer for their new album!? The hype is real!!! 
> 
> PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT <3
> 
> Thanks!!

“Anyone has any answer from him?” Hyunjin asked with a sigh.

It was almost 3 am and they still couldn’t figure out where Felix was. They had received a few dismissing text messages from him, increasingly more incoherent, possibly because of alcohol consumption or something like that, but he had stopped answering a bit more than an hour ago. Changbin had tried to reach Kurt too, just to have some hints on where they might be at least, but he wasn’t answering either.

“Nothing,” Jisung answered, looking at his phone with tired eyes.

Chan left the living room then and went to his own room, clearly needing some alone time. He had been pacing their apartment for hours. He was too worried, but they knew that he was aware of so much more than they were.

Changbin refused to let his mind wander to all the horrible things Kurt had done in the past.

He didn’t want to think of all the torments he had caused to his friends lately.

Or what he might be doing now…

Everything would be fine, right? He had told the boss…

If only Felix was still at the dorm with them, safe, away from this monster.

 

—

 

Felix heard a far away laughs resonate inside his brain. He opened his eyes confused. Everything felt weird, scary, almost unreal. Kurt appeared in his field of vision then with a big smile that sent shivers down Felix’s spine.

“Wha…?” He couldn’t even formulate a question.

“You have to escape, Felix. They are after you!” Kurt yelled, sounding terrified, but still smiling widely. “Run, Felix! Run or they’ll catch you! RUN!”

Felix couldn’t help but feel panic rising inside him, worsened by his confusion. He looked around, and the terror inside him only kept growing exponentially. What was happening? Where was he? Why were the shadows moving?

He stood up on wobbly legs, stumbled as he tried to fight against the dizziness he felt. The shadows! He needed to escape them!

Kurt, Jim and Minjun, were already gone out of his sight.

The shadows were almost there! They were about to capture him!

He ran. He ran as fast as he could despite his fuzzy mind and numb limbs.

He screamed for help, he cried out in terror as the shadows kept following him, always on the verge of catching him.

He was frightened, unable to fight them or do anything else but race down the unknown path where he had been left.

Tears were streaming down his face as his lungs burned with exertion and his legs were strained under the physical demand of restless running.

There were industrial buildings around him, spaced from each other… The place was completely deserted, except for him and the shadows chasing him.

With still growing dread, he realized that no matter how much he called for help, no one would come.

And no matter how much he ran, there was no escaping the shadows.

 

—

 

“Chan! Everyone!” Chanbgin screamed, panicking as Kurt’s number appeared on his screen.

“What? What’s going on?” Chan said, getting out of his room instantly and joining them all in the living room.

Changbin answered the phone on speaker mode.

“Binnie!” Kurt exclaimed happily.

“Where’s Felix?” Changbin said, but he was so angry that it sounded almost like a growl.

“We’re having fun right now,” Kurt answered, snorting at the end, making them all even more uneasy.

“Tell me where the hell he is!”

“Ah, we were at that bar in the city, y’know the one where we used to go to all the time…”

There were loud noises in the background, and then they heard it, Felix’s terrified scream. It felt like the floor had just disappeared under them all.

“Felix!” Chan screamed, bringing them back to reality.

“Oh fuck…” Minjun sounded disturbed.

“Felix! What the… Stop running!” Jim laughed loudly.

“Kurt! What the fuck is happening!?” Changbin roared.

“Kurt, you asshole! Where are you? What’s going on?!” Chan shouted, anger so intense that Seungmin and Hyunjin stepped away a bit.

“Oh, hi there! Didn’t know you were listening too!” Kurt answered cheerfully. “I’ll have to get going, the taxi is already here. Jim! Let’s go! Forget about him! It’s not like he’s our friend or anything…”

Then the call ended.

No…

No, this couldn’t be real.

Shit!

For a small moment, everyone remained completely shocked, disturbed by Felix’s horror-filled screams for help they had heard over the phone.

And then everything was panic and chaos as everyone spoke at the same time and put on their shoes, leaving their dorm to look for their missing friend. They didn’t know where he was, but it didn’t matter, they were going to search the entire city, and even the entire country if they had to!

They needed to find Felix!

“We should call the police,” Woojin stated as they all walked to the parking area behind the dorm.

“Yeah!” Jeongin agreed.

“No!” Changbin yelled at the same time, surprising the others just as they reached the cars.

“What the hell, Changbin? Felix might be in danger!” Jisung argued angrily.

“I know! I know…” Everyone could hear how conflicted he felt. “But let’s try to find Felix first, ok?”

“Changbin…” Chan started, but said boy continued.

“If we get the police involved and the boss learns about it, we’ll all be in trouble.”

“You said everything went great with him!” Woojin replied.

“Yes, but he’s still a gangster. He’s not a nice bad guy from some anime! He’s a real criminal. I am on good terms with him and promised not to involve the police. If we do, he’ll probably see it as treason, and we’ll all be dead. Literally.”

They remained silent for a long moment as Changbin’s words sunk in.

“Alright,” Chan sighed in defeat, understanding how precarious the situation was. “We’ll try to find him, but if we don’t by the end of the night, we’ll call the police, no matter what.”

Changbin could agree with that. He didn’t want to put his other friends and his family in danger, but right now what mattered most was to find Felix safe and sound.

Changbin, Jeongin and Seungmin took place in Woojin’s car, and the others rode in Chan’s car. Woojin’s car was leading them, as only Changbin had an idea of the place where Felix could be.

At least, they knew where to start their search thanks to the hints they had gotten from Kurt.

Still, would they be able to find Felix soon enough?

Changbin feared they wouldn’t.

 

—

 

Felix was hiding behind some empty boxes, listening to any sound his ears could pick up over the torrent in his head. It was all so loud… His frantic heart, the blood flow in his temples, his ragged breathing…

Tears were falling from his eyes as he dreadfully looked around, trying to figure out where he was, and where his pursuers were as well. He hadn’t been able to figure out who they were, nor how many of them there were… They were stealthy, appearing in places he didn’t expect, always so close to grab him.

He was so terribly scared… Would he die? Was this it? After all he had gone through, was this really how it would all end?

He settled back in his hiding spot and took out his phone with his trembling hands. Should he call the police? What if the shadows heard him while he was trying to call them? He didn’t want the last person to speak to him to be a stranger… He wanted to hear one of his friend’s voice one last time at least.

So, he called one of them.

The person he wanted to talk to the most in the end.

 

—

 

“Felix?! Is that you?” Changbin answered right away, startling the other people in the car.

“Changbin…” A shaky voice answered. He sounded completely frightened.

“It’s me, the others are with me as well. Don’t worry, we’re on our way! Where are you exactly? Can you tell me?”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, hyung,” Felix cried softly.

“Are you hurt?”

“If they find me… I’m so scared…” Felix murmured.

“Who?”

“I don’t know. They are chasing me. I’m hiding now, but...”

“Tell me where you are!”

“I don’t know,” Felix answered, hardly stifling a sob. “Changbin… Please get rid of your phone, all of you…”

“What? Why? You’re not making sense!”

“Kurt… He knows your phone numbers. If I die tonight, he’s going to send you the videos. I don’t want that…”

“Don’t worry about this anymore! I talked to someone. Kurt’s gonna leave you alone!”

“Oh no… They are here, I saw them. I gotta go…”

“No, Felix! Tell me where you are! Please!” Felix had already hung up though.

“What’s going on?” Woojin inquired, breaking the heavy silence in the car.

“Something’s not right. He said he was chased by people, but he couldn’t tell me where he was or who they were. I don’t know what’s going on, but we better find him fast.”

 

—

 

Felix ran to another hidden corner of a building. He couldn’t see the shadows anymore, it was too dark. He spotted a source of light not so far away from him and sprinted toward it. He wasn’t sure if running to a lighted place was the best solution, but at least then he could see them coming. Once he reached the light, he collapsed on the ground. His body couldn’t keep up anymore. He had reached his limit. He scrambled under the light and made himself as small as possible against the wall behind him, hugging his knees close to his chest.

He prayed and prayed…

_Please help! Please! I’m scared!_

He just wanted to go home and be safe.

_Chan! Changbin! Woojin! Anyone!_

 

—

 

They had reached the city and the bar to where Felix had most likely spent the night with Kurt, but the place was already closed. There was no one left around to help them, but there was one more lead.

“TaxiCab,” a young man answered.

“Hi, hum, you picked up three drunk guys earlier, and we’ll like to know where.”

“That’s customer info, dude. Can’t share that.”

“It’s a matter of life and death. They were with a friend of ours, but we can’t reach him anymore. They left without him.”

“Oh, was he the guy running to the industrial area? Dude, he was bad tripping hard.”

“What? No, that’s…” Changbin started, already thinking that it couldn’t be Felix. He would never take any drug, but Kurt was a sly bastard. “Wait, you said that he ran to the industrial area?”

“Oh, shit, I messed up,” the man answered, but Changbin had heard enough from him. He hung up and led Woojin to said area.

What had Kurt given to Felix?

What was the dosage?


	12. Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi dear readers! 
> 
> I hope you'll like this chapter :)!
> 
> PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT! <3
> 
> Thanks!!

Jisung sprinted faster toward the familiar melody.

“I can hear his ringtone!” He screamed as he ran to the source of the sound, feeling a hope so deep that it almost brought tears to his eyes.

He had been so scared! They had all been. Finally, they had found him!

He turned the corner, Minho, Seungmin and Chan on his heels. The rest of the group had gone the other way. They really expected to see him, but their hearts shattered as they saw the abandoned object on the ground. Felix’s phone was there, but not Felix.

“No… Felix? Felix!” Chan screamed, looking around, hoping that he was still near.

Silence answered him.

Without his phone, it would be even more difficult to find him. He cursed loudly at the situation, at the still uncertainty of it all.

It was always the same guilt growing inside them, especially for Chan. The latter tried his best to chase these depressing feelings away, knowing that he wasn’t really the one to blame, but he just couldn’t help it.

He should’ve been there.

He should’ve protected him better.

 

—

 

Felix heard his name being called loudly and he froze in dread. It came from where he had come from.

The shadows, they were on their way!

He stood up and looked around. He noticed garbage containers a few metres away from the light. If he could find anything to defend himself at least…

His heart rate spiked when he heard the sound of his name being called again, closer this time.

They were almost there!

They would really find him!

Shit!

He ran quickly to the garbage container and rummaged roughly through the bags and scrap, until he found a bent metal pole. It was about the size of a baseball bat. He didn’t know if it would truly help, but it was his best bet.

He took it out, but some things fell out of the container as well. The sound echoed around him like thunder and he remained frozen for a small moment before he heard the incomprehensible shouts of the shadows quickly nearing on his location. If he ran back to the light, he would be found for sure. He looked in the opposite direction, but it was too dark on the other side, leading to what looked like an eerie forest. Either he went into the light and faced the shadows, or he went into the unknown darkness of the woods. There had to be something else he could do! He frantically studied his surroundings, searching for a solution, anything that could help…

What to do?!

Shit!

He had no time to think about it further as he heard the shouts of the shadows becoming clearer and louder as they were approaching his location.

 

—

 

“This way!” Woojin screamed, leading the way toward the source of the sound.

“Felix!?” Jeongin screamed.

They finally arrived to some sort of alley between two buildings with a light and garbage containers. Things had fallen out of it, clearly, and this might have been the sound that had attracted them.

But what had caused this?

“He’s gone? Or maybe it was an animal?” Hyunjin asked.

“Let’s search elsewhere…” Changbin decided with a defeated sigh. They had run all the way there, because of the sound. They had really thought that they were going to find him.

“Wait!” Jeongin stopped them. “I think I heard something.”

“Me too. Like a sob maybe?” Woojin added, walking decidedly to the garbage container. “Felix?” He asked, and suddenly said boy was getting out of his hiding spot behind it.

He swung a bent metal pole as he stepped away from them. Even in this dark place, they could see the deep terror in his eyes.

“GO AWAY!”

They froze at his reaction. It almost felt unreal. How could he be so scared of them? Changbin’s fears were confirmed, and he internally cursed Kurt for his sick mind.

“Stay back,” Changbin told them. “He’s not himself.”

“We can see that, but why?” Jeongin asked, anxious.

“They drugged him.”

“What? How do you know?” Hyunjin asked.

“I’ve seen Kurt do it before, and Felix is clearly intoxicated.”

“What do you think they gave him?” Woojin asked.

“Probably GHB or LSD. Maybe both, but seeing how much he’s bad tripping, I’d say… LSD. A big dose.”

“What do we do?” Jeongin asked.

“In this state, we can’t just let him sober up…” Woojin commented.

“Yeah, and it would take a couple of hours. He’ll also probably be a danger to himself the entire time. We should get him to follow us so we can bring him to the hospital,” Changbin concluded.

“Alright, Mr. ‘drug-connoisseur’, and how do we do that exactly?” Hyunjin asked.

Changbin wasn’t sure either. He had seen people in this kind of situation, but he had never taken care of them, or stayed long enough with them to know what to do in this situation.

“Felix? Do you hear me?” Changbin asked calmly, hoping that talking him out of it would be enough somehow. “I won’t hurt you… It’s me, Changbin.”

Felix still looked panicked for a few seconds, stepping back slowly as Changbin tried to step closer.

“No… I won’t fall for it…” Felix whispered then. He dashed away from them before they could even react.

Changbin swore loudly and started running after him, the others following close behind.

Felix ran straight for the woods, still animated by fear and hysteria. The others had to slow down and use the lights on their phones to continue to follow him, because of the darkness of the forest. They shouted his name, trying to get him to stop, but he kept going, and the longer it went on, the more worried they all felt. At this rate, he would really end up hurting himself.

They were so close to him, yet he remained unreachable.

 

—

 

Felix kept running, stumbling through the uneven forest floor. The shadows were shouting his name as they chased him through the woods. The dark trees towered over him in an ominous way that made everything even creepier and terrifying, and their branches kept clawing at his clothes and skin. He cried and ran, vainly screaming for the shadows to go away, to leave him alone.

His lungs were on fire. It felt like his muscles were about to fail him. But he had to keep going, he had to survive…

Wait…

Why?

Why did he have to survive when life had become so terrifying?

He was tired of the fear and the pain…

His feet faltered and he fell.

And he kept falling.

 

—

 

“FELIX!” Woojin’s voice boomed in the wood, echoing clearly through the surrounding mountains.

“That was…” Jisung started, recognizing the voice immediately. He felt a pang of fear at the distress he heard in his friend’s scream.

“Where did it come from?” Chan asked, concern rising exponentially inside him.

“They went the other way, so let’s try to find them there!” Hyunjin decided, already running that way.

They followed him right away, animated by a deeper fear than they had all ever experienced.

What the hell had happened for Woojin to scream Felix’s name with such terror?

 

—

 

They had been running after him, they could see him, and then they couldn’t anymore. Woojin had screamed his name as soon as he noticed, and then they had reached the edge of a hill. They had seen Felix’s body fall down until it stopped abruptly against a tree. They had descended toward him as fast as they could, trying their best not to fall down the hill as well. They had kept calling his name, waiting for a response, whatever it was, or for a movement, only to finally reach his inert body slumped against the tree, covered in cuts and bruises.

“Felix? Felix, answer me?” Changbin asked, taking the younger boy’s unconscious face in his hands, but he remained completely unresponsive.

“He’s unconscious. We really have to bring him to the hospital now,” Hyunjin panicked.

“I’ll carry him,” Woojin decided, crouching down in front of Felix and moving to take him in his arms bridal style.

His hand brushed some wet substance behind Felix’s head. He knew he had to hurry, but he still had to confirm his fears. He brought his hand back in front of him and saw blood.

It only made things worse and more urgent. Woojin took Felix in his arms without any more delay and started walking through the forest back to where they had come from, Changbin in front of him, leading them all with his cellphone’s light.

“As soon as any of you get service again, call an ambulance,” Woojin demanded.

They made their way as fast as they could, but it felt as if it was taking forever.

And then, Jeongin shouted that he was getting service again as they reached the forest’s outskirts. The group’s maknae called an ambulance right away with the help of Hyunjin who gave him the info he didn’t have.

Once they were out of the woods, they started running to the closest road. They were all exhausted, pushing their bodies way past their limits, but they had to save Felix no matter what, and it was enough to give them the strength they lacked. They had to get as close to the road as possible before the ambulance arrived.

It still took minutes before they heard the sound of sirens getting closer to them, and then they saw the flashing lights.

The ambulance appeared and stopped right beside them, just as they were finally reaching the road.

Felix was taken off Woojin’s arms and put on the stretcher inside the vehicle. They assessed his condition quickly and asked a few questions. Changbin answered most of them.

“He’s going to be ok,” the paramedic reassured them after a few minutes. “Can one of you come with us? We’ll probably have a few more questions to ask on the way to the hospital.”

“I’ll go,” Changbin decided and entered the ambulance right away.

They were gone a few seconds later.

“Guys!” Jisung’s voice boomed a couple of metres beside them.

They saw the ambulance leave and became even more scared. As soon as the other half of their group reached them, they kept asking questions about what had happened and Felix’s well-being, but Hyunjin, Woojin and Jeongin were so overwhelmed by everything and concerned for their friend that they couldn’t seem to answer them all clearly enough.

They only repeated the paramedic’s words, like a mantra.

Felix was going to be ok.

He was safe now.

Right?

 

—

 

It hurt them so much to see Felix in this state. He had a bandage around his head, and a few smaller ones on deep scratches all over his body. He had needed stitches behind his head, but otherwise the doctor had said that he would be alright. They also gave him some medicine to help keep him asleep for a few hours at least, because Changbin had told them about the bad trip he had experienced, which had been confirmed to be due to consuming a big dose of LSD.

Felix would need to meet with a psychiatrist before leaving the hospital, knowing that an unexpected experience like this could affect his mental health.

Changbin and Chan remained by his side, while the others stayed in the waiting room, not wanting to crowd the hospital room.

“I’m sorry, Felix… I should’ve done something sooner,” Changbin whispered, holding Felix’s hand tightly.

“Don’t beat yourself up, Binnie. You did well,” Chan told him.

“No, I didn’t. Look at him…”

“It’s not your fault.”

“Yes, it is! You know it too. Kurt wouldn’t have hurt him in the first place if it wasn’t for me. And I don’t even know what’s really going on, damn it!”

“Still…” Chan started, but was caught off by Changbin’s soft hurting voice.

“Don’t you hate me? You can’t really be that forgiving, Chan.”

“Stop it already,” now Chan sounded angry. “Stop blaming yourself. You’re a victim too. Look at you, look at the risks you have taken going back to your old gang… You are hurting too.”

“I wish I was in Felix’s place.”

“Felix wouldn’t want that. He’s… He’s really strong, you know, and he loves you very much. He cares for us all, even if it seems like he has been isolating himself lately. I’m actually thankful to you, Binnie. Even if there were not many days left on his deal with Kurt, you still did your best to make it stop sooner. We all do what we can, and you’re the only one that really did something useful.”

“You were there for him, though, while he kept pushing me away.”

“You were there too, in a different way.”

“You can’t help but blame yourself too, uh? You try to cheer us all up, to carry all the secrets and burden… Felix wouldn’t want that either,” Changbin stated then, reading between the lines of Chan’s speech and recognizing all the signs.

“Yeah… I guess you’re right, but he still asked me to keep it all secret,” Chan admitted with a defeated sigh. “He’s as lost as we are, or even more I guess,” he continued with a sad smile. “Hopefully it’s over now, so we can focus on getting better.”

“Yeah.”

Changbin smiled too, even in this awful situation. This conversation didn’t make all their worries and guilt fade away, but at least it made them feel a little better knowing that they were all doing their best, trying to support everyone during these difficult times. And they were still there, by Felix’s side, despite everything that had happened.

Changbin and the others still didn’t know the whole story, and they might never know, but at least there was a certainty that none of them would ever give up on him.

It brought a small bit of warmth in Chan’s heart. They truly were like a chosen family, despite Felix’s desire to push them away.

But now, things would only get better. Thanks to Changbin, Kurt would finally stop hurting Felix, and causing anxiety to them all.

Everything would go back to normal, or at least as normal as it could get…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This feels like the end, right? You're wrong... XD
> 
> BTW: I strongly suggest you go watch WAVE by Ateez! It's a really catchy summer song, and I'm addicted to it ^.^ 
> 
> I'm a multi, so you can talk to me on Tumblr (Wakeyx) about your favourite Kpop groups, you biases and all! We might share other kpop-related interests in common! <3


	13. Trauma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi dear readers!!
> 
> The end is near, but there is more angst still coming before that :) 
> 
> PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT <3
> 
> Thanks!!

“What do you want to do with that information, boss?” The assistant asked as he looked at the information their inside investigator had gathered. “Should we carry on with getting rid of Kurt? We could use him.”

The boss smiled. She wasn’t his assistant for no reason, she was smart in just the right way for her job.

“You read my mind. Find him and bring him here right away.”

His assistant nodded and left the boss’s office. The boss looked one more time at the medical documents in front of him. Kurt had really done it this time…

Well, he knew he could use this information in his favour.

It would serve as a warning, or maybe more…

 

—

 

Felix looked anxiously at his phone. No message, no call, nothing from Kurt. Changbin had said that he would leave him alone, but he still couldn’t believe it.

Well, there were a lot of things he had trouble getting his mind around right now.

“Lee Felix? The doctor will see you now,” a nurse informed him with a gentle smile.

He stood up and bowed to her as he made his followed her inside the corridor leading to the psychiatrist’s office. Everything was so white, contrasting with the terrible distorted memories he had of the night before. It felt all so real. He walked in the office where the nurse had led him and bowed to a man in his thirties with a calm appearance and kind eyes. The man showed him the couch in front of his chair and invited him to get comfortable.

He started by asking a few simple questions. Felix kept looking around, still paranoid of the moving shadows. They talked about his friends, about what had happened so far. Felix barely participated when it became too triggering, and the doctor changed the subject of their conversation when he noticed.

Felix couldn’t help but always look back to the same shadowy spot in the office, right beside one of the furniture.

“Will it ever go away?” The question escaped Felix’s lips without him really meaning to.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean… The fear, the pain, the trauma… Will it really fade someday?”

“Well, yes, most certainly, with the right psychological and medical support.”

Felix hummed at the man’s answer, and then continued.

“But I can’t go back in time or erase any of it from my mind. The doctors gave me meds for the anxiety, but I’m still scared of the shadows,” he kept fixing the shadowy spot as he talked, dreading that it would trigger the reappearance of the dark pursuers.

“The shadows?”

Memories from the night before flashed in his mind. The deep terror he had felt as he had run as fast as he could, but they had kept pursuing him…

His heart rate sped up and it seemed like it was suddenly becoming harder and harder to breathe. He could remember how close they had been to getting him, and almost feel their presence getting closer and closer to him. He could still hear their distorted voices calling his name...

“Felix, can you look at me, please? You have to calm down…”

Felix lifted fearful eyes to him, and the man smiled reassuringly at him.

“You are safe.”

Felix focused on the man’s kind eyes and his reassuring words kept replaying in his head, and he focused on those instead of the memories of the shadows. It grounded him enough for Felix’s breathing to slow down progressively.

“There… You’re doing great, Felix,” the doctor encouraged him. “Let’s talk about something else, yeah?”

Felix couldn’t, not yet. He had to unload something that was burdening his thoughts, his memories, something that kept coming back to him every time he thought of the shadows…

“It all felt so real. I know it might sound stupid, but It was like… like my demons, my secrets, my traumas were all taking form around me, born from the shadows, ready to swallow me for good. I was scared… I thought I was going to die.”

This time, he remained grounded to reality, even if his voice couldn’t hide the deep fear he still felt.

“Hallucinations, and such terrifying ones, are common when unexpectedly ingesting an important dose of LSD. What you experienced, as I believe the doctors already explained, was not the reality, but it felt like it and all the emotions you felt, and still feel, related to this event are valid.”

“The worst part was that at some point, I think I wasn’t scared anymore. I kind of gave up…”

“Maybe you were finally giving in on the drug effects?”

“Maybe… But it felt like I was just… kinda giving up on life.”

“Do you still feel that way?”

“I don’t know… If things will really get better, I should hold on, I guess.”

“This is a good way of seeing things, but you should know that recovery will not only be simple, so let’s talk about ways to help you keep holding on, ok?”

Felix nodded and started thinking about a number of things that made him smile, made his worries go away, made his chest feel warm… The doctor wrote them all on a piece of paper. He realized that most of the things were really simple, such as eating dinner with his friends, listening to his favourite music, or talking to his mother. It was comforting, to know that so many simple things could help him if he needed it.

At the end of their appointment, the doctor gave him the list and a paper with a couple of phone numbers and websites that could help him too if everything became too overwhelming and dark ideas made its way inside his head.

Strangely, even if he was still traumatized and paranoid, he was glad that he had tricks to help him through it all.

He felt like things weren’t as hopeless anymore.

 

—

 

It had been a few days, but Felix was finally back. They were all so excited, but Chan had warned them to keep from overwhelming him. He still had a head wound and the doctor had told them that he was also fragile psychologically.

Chan and Changbin had been the one to take Felix home, and as soon as they walked in their dorm, they were pleasantly surprised by their friends, who had put on some background music, and the volume was just low enough, and had also prepared many homemade dishes for dinner and made the place warm and comforting, just what Felix needed. Chan was glad to see the sincere smile on Felix’s lips and the small glitter of light in his eyes.

“Welcome back, bro,” Jeongin said, and everyone joined in to welcome him too.

 

—

 

Felix woke up early the next day and looked at his phone.

His mother had sent him a message to wish him a good day. He smiled softly at it. He had talked with her when he had gotten back from the hospital, apologizing for everything he had said, and reassuring her that he was alright. She told him that she was worried, but not angry, because Chan had already told her that he was going through some things and he was really sorry for what he had said to her.

He felt even more grateful toward Chan. He hadn’t known that he had talked to Felix’s mother in his stead when he couldn’t even call her himself to apologize.

But…

Felix still had no news from Kurt.

It had been days, but he couldn’t help it. He was still expecting him to call or send him a message, giving him another order. It didn’t happen, so it he concluded that Changbin had really taken care of him, even if there was still no real proof, and would most likely never be.

But it was ok.

He was ok.

 

—

 

“See you next week,” the teacher said and then everyone was packing their stuff and leaving the classroom.

Changbin looked at his phone and sighed as he noticed that he had received no message or call. It was partly a good thing with all that had happened. Finally, peaceful times were back… But it was also partly unnerving. There had been no news from the boss yet, but Kurt had seemingly disappeared. Changbin didn’t know how to feel about that. He should have had some kind of confirmation if they had really taken care of Kurt.

It annoyed him, but he didn’t dare tell Felix or Chan, or any of his friends.

He didn’t want to burden them with even more concern, especially when Felix was in recovery.

He should call the boss, just to be sure, yet he just put his phone back in his pocket.

 

—

 

“Chan! He’s having another one!” Seungmin called from the bathroom.

Chan was already running there. Felix was having a panic attack. It had happened a few times since they had been back from the hospital, less than a week ago. Chan and Woojin were the best to help him calm down, so they always called either of them when it happened. It hurt them to see him like this, still traumatized by all that had happened with Kurt.

It took a couple of minutes, Chan instructing him to breathe slowly and focus on him. When Felix finally calmed down, he slumped in Chan’s arms. The older man rubbed his back comfortingly.

“I don’t want him to hurt me ever again…” Felix mumbled.

“He won’t,” Chan reassured him, his eyes instinctively falling on Changbin and Seungmin who had followed him.  

 

—

 

They were all in the living room, most of them doing homework, some procrastinating and Felix just playing on his phone, when the latter received a call from an unknown number.

He froze in fear.

Chan noticed right away.

“Who is it?”

“I don’t know.”

Everyone was looking at him now. He looked at Chan, too frightened to answer. What if it was Kurt?

“Answer and put it on speaker mode,” Chan decided for him, taking his hand to show him that he wasn’t facing whoever it was alone, and it seemed to be enough as Felix did just that.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Felix.”

Changbin was up and right beside him in a second.

“Uncle? Why are you calling him?”

“Oh, Changbin! How’s it going, son?”

“Things are better now that Kurt’s out of the way…”

Why was he calling Felix? And how did he even get his number?”

“Well, speaking of him, I’m with Kurt at the moment...”

Everyone tensed at the name, bringing back awful memories to them all, especially Felix.

“What? I thought…”

“Don’t worry, son, he’s not going to hurt you or your friends anymore, as I promised.”

“Then, why did you call Felix?”

“I thought he might want to see him one last time.”

“No, he doesn’t want to.”

“You know what I mean by that, Changbin.” The man’s voice was lower, more threatening. Changbin tensed even more and cursed silently.

“Ok… Alright, I’ll come with him.”

“Actually, bring all your friends, let them see him one last time too. I know how much of a pain he has been to you all.”

Changbin closed his eyes for a moment, clearly unhappy with the situation. When he opened his eyes again, he looked uncertainly at Chan. He couldn’t decide for them too, but they didn’t know about how risky it was to refuse.

“We’ll come,” Minho decided for them.

“Perfect! Get there as soon as possible, alright? We’ll be waiting.”

“Y-yeah. See you later, uncle.”

The call ended, and everyone remained completely silent for a long moment.

“No… No no no. I can’t… I don’t want to see Kurt again,” Felix started, standing up, ready to run away.

“We have to go, or they’ll come get us themselves,” Changbin admitted. “He won’t let him hurt you, though, that’s for sure.”

“We can’t really just go there? It’s not safe…” Chan said.

“Well, he definitely has something up his sleeve, but he ‘invited’ us, so I don’t think we’re in danger either,” Changbin said.

“Let’s just be done with it, once and for all,” Minho sighed as he stood up as well. “We’ll all be there with you, Felix, so we’ll protect you.”

“I have a bad feeling,” Jisung told them.

“Me too,” Jeongin added.

“I think it’s up to Felix to decide for us,” Chan said.

Felix seemed conflicted for a long moment as they all waited for him to make a choice.

Finally, he lifted his head and looked at them all before he nodded decisively.

“Ok. Let’s end this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CLÉ 2: YELLOW WOOD COMES OUT IN 3 DAYS AND I'M SUPER HYPED FOR IT :D!!! Have you seen them boyfriend-like visuals in the last teaser??? <3


	14. Malevolence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi dear readers!
> 
> This chapter is really short, I'm sorry! But it is still pretty heavy and disturbing...
> 
> On the good side, I'm in my last week of university!!! :D Can't wait to be completely done! 
> 
> PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT! <3
> 
> Thanks!!

They were led inside the dark building. The air in there was heavy, almost suffocating, as if they were about to drown in the corrupting obscurity surrounding them. It felt like they didn’t belong there, like the little flickers of light that remain in their souls after all that happened could be easily extinguished if they stayed there too long.

They were all anxious, but Changbin, Minho and Chan looked to be the most comfortable, even if they weren’t really. They were guided to a luxurious office in the basement that contrasted too much with the ambiance of the shady building. It just felt so wrong. Everything about this place made them uneasy.

Felix was having an even harder time than he had thought, especially because of the general darkness of the place. It brought back traumatic memories, making him want to run away from this place even more. At least, Woojin was there to ground him, holding his hand strongly and looking like a damn mama bear beside him.

Everything would be fine… His friends would protect him from whoever or whatever would try to hurt him.

He felt so frustratingly weak…

But at least he wasn’t alone.

As soon as they entered, they knew who the boss was. The man had an impressive appearance, standing out from the rest, just like his office. He was dressed cleanly, was big and muscular, and had a scar on his face that made him look even more threatening. Yet, he shocked them all as he greeted them warmly and hugged Changbin. He even shook hands with Chan.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you all. You look like a great bunch.”

“They are good friends,” Changbin commented.

“They seem like it. Anyway, please make yourselves comfortable,” the boss told them, motioning to the couch in front of his desk.

It was too small to fit them all so they just spread in front of it, Felix remaining between Changbin and Woojin, closest to the door. Just as they seemed “comfortable” enough, the boss made a sign to one of his underlings who left the room, thankfully leaving the door open behind him.

“So, everyone, I had some fun with Kurt for the past week or so, and don’t worry he won’t be bothering you anymore.”

They all waited for him to continue, knowing that he certainly didn’t call them here only to say that. Then they saw him, Felix’s tormentor, being dragged into the room, covered in wounds and blood, tied and gagged. They remained silent, everyone of them conflicted with their own feelings.

Felix was almost satisfied. Kurt deserved it! After all he had done to him… Maybe it should be wrong to feel this way, but he couldn’t help it. Felix would have to live with the physical and mental scars of Kurt’s abuse for the rest of his life. Deep down, he wanted Kurt to also feel as hurt and terrified as him until he took his final breath.

Woojin squeezed Felix’s hand, bringing him back from this dark place in his mind to reality. He smiled warmly at him, but his eyes showed concern. It was enough for Felix to regain a sort of stable emotional state. Yeah… “sort of.”

Kurt was forced on his knees in front of the group. He looked terrible, unable to keep himself up and clearly on the verge of unconsciousness. Yet, he looked up and glared at them with deep rage in his eyes.

It scared Felix so much, because it felt like the torture Kurt had gone through would not be enough to stop him from tormenting him and his friends. Like nothing would ever be enough… It was almost as if he wanted revenge even more now, and they would be the target of it.

“You remember what we do with those who represent a risk for our gang, right, Changbin?”

Changbin tensed, they all felt it even if Felix was the closest to him, and he nodded.

“Well, I don’t think I’ll have any problem from your part at all, right?”

“Of course not, uncle,” Changbin answered.

It was as Changbin had said, he was in good terms with the man, but they had to remain prudent and keep the police out of it.

“Kurt…” The boss sighed. “He really went too far this time. I thought you might want to give him a piece of your mind too.”

“That won’t be necessary,” Changbin told him right away.

“Well… I guess that, since you don’t know the whole story, you would feel this way. That’s a bit unfair I think.”

Felix tensed. The whole story? What did he mean by that?

“What…” Changbin started, unsure where the boss was leading them.

The boss’s eyes met Felix’s.

“I’m sorry, Felix, but I think we should tell them.”

“No, don’t…” Chan started, but the boss was already turning his computer screen their way.

Felix’s brain blanked completely after that.

 

—

 

They heard Felix’s terrible cries before they could process the video that was shown to them.

Every cry pierced their hurt like shards of glass. Each of Kurt’s accompanying moans pushing them further in.

They were watching Felix being held on the ground by Jim, while Kurt…

No…

NO! This was a nightmare! This couldn’t be real!

How could something so horrible had happened to one of their closest friends?!

Then, the room was filled with chaos as Seungmin ran to the closest garbage can and threw up all the content of his stomach in it, Jeongin remaining by his side, not feeling so good either, but also trying to be there for his sick friend. Changbin, Jisung, Minho, and Hyunjin jumped on Kurt and started beating him up. Woojin remained completely frozen for a long moment, unable to think of what to do exactly. He felt like he was going to be sick too, he wanted to make Kurt suffer, but…. But something didn’t feel right.

“STOP!” Chan screamed then, trying to push the others away from Kurt. “You’ll kill him!”

“He deserves it!” Changbin replied, landing a clear punch on Kurt’s face.

Woojin moved then, grabbing Changbin and hugging him tightly even if he struggled and yelled at him to let him go.

“Chan is right! We are not killers!” Woojin shouted then.

The chaos died down in a few seconds after that. Jisung and Hyunjin stepped back, looking confused and scared, their hands covered in Kurt’s blood. Minho had stopped moving in Chan’s arms too.

Kurt was left unconscious on the ground, but still breathing.

The boss walked up in front of his desk and crouched down in front of Kurt’s bloodied body.

“Well, you’re really smart kids, uh?” The man said, keeping his eyes on Kurt, looking disappointed. “I guess it’s true, you’re not killers… But I am.”

It happened so fast.

There was a deafening sound.

More blood.

The boss had taken out his gun in a second and had shot Kurt in the head right before their eyes, without hesitation.

They couldn’t move, couldn’t say anything, couldn’t even breathe…

The boss stood up, wiped a bit of Kurt’s blood on his cheek and turned to them with a wide smile.

“Anyway, it was nice to meet you all. You are free to go now.”

It took a few seconds, but this time Woojin was the first to move. He looked around, realizing that he had let go of Felix’s hand at some point, and he… Oh, no…

“Where’s Felix?”

Changbin looked frantically around, but notice his absence right away. Fear gripped at his heart at his missing friend. This was not good. Not good at all….

“Felix?!”

“Damn it!” Chan shouted, and then they were all running out.

Some of them were still hardly getting back to reality. What they had just experienced felt like it was unreal, literally out of a nightmare. Yet, things were worse now, because Felix was nowhere to be found, and that scared them more than anything else.

After what they had seen…

Where would he go?

What would he do?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys I'm in love with Stray Kids' new songs!!!! Side effects is just sooooo good <3 (and it's really funny because my last course is on brain and behavior, and we see the effects [and side effects] of drugs on the brain! LOL)


	15. Word from the author (will delete later)

Hi dear readers!! 

I'm so happy you read up to the end, there will be two chapters for the end (one for the sad ending, and one for the happy ending) which will be posted at the same time in 2-3 days!  
I suggest you read the tags once again, as I have added a couple others while writing this fic!  
The sad ending will be heartbreaking (I cried while writing it)...  
The happy ending will be as realistic as I can make it. I think recovery is really messy, especially when there are psychological aspects involved. I hope you'll like it <3

Thank you for your support! Your comments and kudos really helped me write this fic :D  
(I just wanted to hype you a bit for the end of this, since I feel like I'm thrilled all on my own xD)

Anyway, keep supporting our boys too, Stays!!! They are such incredible hard-working artists! Let's give them all our love! <3 

Sorry to my bias, Felix, for hurting him in this fic btw :/ I love him, and I wish him only the best! This fic (and most of all the fics I write) is only a way for me to write about the difficulties, traumas, and downs some have to go through in life. As a person with many psychological issues and background traumas, it helps me to write things in the same "tone," because it allows me to see things from a sort of outside perspective. I do multiple endings, because I consider life unfair sometimes, and we can't really predict the future. Sometimes, a small thing can save someone, while another small thing can be their undoing, and sometimes no matter how much we want things to end well, they just won't. 

Anyway, this last bit might have been a bit too heavy, but I hope you can understand my point of view a bit ^.^

To conclude this message, don't hesitate to come talk to me on Tumblr (Wakeyx) and even Instagram (Jessiebulby)! <3

THANKS!!!


	16. Downfall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi dear readers!! 
> 
> In the end, I decided to post the first part of both endings (since it's the same) in advance and will be posting the endings probably tomorrow <3 
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: Depression, suicide attempt, anxiety... This can be really triggering, I'm serious, so don't read if you're sensible to such subjects!!! 
> 
> PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT <3
> 
> Thanks!!

Felix ran.

He ran far away.

Until his legs collapsed under him and he found himself falling on the ground, scratching his hands and knees in the process.

It hurt, but he could barely acknowledge the pain, it felt like it was nothing compared to the agonizing sensation in his heart.

They knew… They had seen the video…

His lungs burned with the exertion, it was hard to breathe.

Why did it hurt so much to live?

Felix sat back up and looked up at the sky as he tried to get his breathing under control. It was still bright outside, but the sun was approaching the horizon. There were also a few ominous clouds above and the wind had risen.

After a long moment, he finally looked around, trying to determine where he had run off to, and recognized the place right away. He was near the school.

He must have run for a really long time…

There was almost no one around it seemed.

He stood up and resumed his way, walking on shaky legs and ignoring his cellphone ringing in his pocket.

It was no use answering. All he had done had been for nothing. They all knew what Kurt had done to him. Silent tears fell down his face at the torturous torment he felt.

Would it ever end? He doubted it…

So, why did he have to keep going? What good would it make? He wasn’t strong enough…

He had gotten past his limit already.

Everything hurt…

He couldn’t keep this up.

He couldn’t…

 

—

 

“I can’t believe we didn’t put a damn tracker on him!” Changbin complained.

“Well, we didn’t expect to lose him again,” Hyunjin explained.

“We… We really failed him this time,” Seungmin commented.

Woojin’s hands tightened around the wheel. He felt like it was his fault. He shouldn’t have let go of Felix’s hand. He should’ve made sure that he was ok first. He should’ve been there for him more than anyone else in that moment.

And yet… Everything had just happened so fast and had been so chaotic.

“Anyway… Thank you, Woojin,” Changbin broke the silence after a few seconds.

Woojin felt like he had received a punch in the guts. It hurt…

“If it hadn’t been for you stopping us, we might have really killed Kurt. Things would have been even worse if we did. The boss… I think he wanted me to kill him. He definitely had a nasty plan in mind, but you and Chan stopped us.”

Oh… He had thought that Changbin had been sarcastic, but he was really thankful… Yet, Woojin couldn’t accept Changbin’s gratefulness. What if something happened to Felix because he hadn’t been there for him when he needed it most?

“Call Minho. I’ll try going back toward the dorms, see if we can find him on the way there,” Woojin asked Changbin after a moment of heavy silence.

 

—

 

“Alright, we’ll stay in this area for a little longer, then we’ll go this way too. See you later,” Minho said and then hung up.

Minho, Jisung and Jeongin kept looking around outside, while Chan was focused on driving them through the roads as fast and effectively as possible. They hadn’t seen any sign of him yet, but they didn’t want to search another area just yet. What if he was still here? He couldn’t have possibly gotten near the university or their dorm yet, right?

Chan’s heart was hurting, deeply and terribly. The sounds and the images of the video just repeated in his mind, like a recurring nightmare. He hated that he hadn’t been able to help Felix better, to prevent all of this.

Feeling like this while he wasn’t the real victim in all this made him anxious.

He had tried his best to be there for Felix, to hold his hand out to him even when the other rejected it… But Felix must have been suffering anyway all this time.

Everything had come to an end, right? Kurt was dead, the secrets were out, they were free once again… Yet, it didn’t feel good at all.

Felix was not safe yet.

 

—

 

The dorms.

He had made it to the dorms.

Ah… He didn’t want to come back there. He didn’t want to be anywhere.

He felt disconnected from reality as he started going up the stairs.

 

—

 

“Hey? Isn’t that Felix!?” Seungmin exclaimed, as him and Hyunjin were walking toward the dorms.

Their group had separated at the university, Woojin and Changbin deciding on searching the university while the two others searched the dorms.

“Yes!” Hyunjin screamed happily, recognizing their friend right away. “Call Minho and Changbin!”

Hyunjin was already running toward their dorm. It was quite a run from where they had spotted him, but he felt like he needed to get to him as fast as possible. Seungmin followed him, calling their friends at the same time, as Hyunjin had asked. They took the elevator and got to their dorm’s floor. There, they tried to open the door, but it was locked, which was strange, because Felix should’ve just gotten there. Hyunjin fumbled in his pocket for his keys, but a loud sound made him freeze. Seungmin and him turned to look at the staircase beside their dorm’s door, where the sound originated from. They knew what it was, only one thing made this exact noise in the staircase…

It was the door to the rooftop of their building.

Hyunjin and Seungmin ran up the stair right away, fear growing in their stomach.

Why was Felix up there?

 

—

 

The stormy wind blew Felix’s blonde hair in every direction, but it felt good on his skin, whipping away the blood, sweat and tears.

The dark clouds made up almost the entirety of the sky above now. Just a small clear line remained on the horizon letting through the last rays of the sun.

Felix walked toward it, as if following some kind of calling.

Thunder roared around him, small drops of water connecting with the surface of his skin, announcing the eminence of the storm above.

It felt weird, as if it was all destined to happen somehow. The beginning of his end had been on that fateful stormy night almost a month ago, and now, as a new storm was about to fall upon them, Felix had reached his limit.

He stood up on the ledge of the building and looked up at the angry clouds over him.

He couldn’t see the moon, but that was ok, because he wasn’t jealous of the moon anymore.

He was much more envious of sunsets now. They were bright and colourful while they lasted and then faded to nothingness in such a short time. Felix was determined now. And it was almost poetic, because he was going to let his light die as he fell, like the sunset, out of existence.

A new gust of wind blew over him, tempting him, inviting him to take a final step forward. He breathed in deeply, and it felt like his lungs hadn’t been as full as they were now in so long, like he hadn’t been able to breathe properly before.

It only confirmed his decision.

He would be free for real this time.

 

—

 

“Felix!” Hyunjin pushed through the door leading to the rooftop, Seungmin following close behind.

He saw Felix standing on the ledge and his heart dropped in fear. It wasn’t real, right? Felix wouldn’t… No, he wouldn’t really do that!

“Felix! What are you doing? Get down from there, it’s dangerous!” Hyunjin yelled.

Felix turned around to face his two friends. There were tears falling down his face, but he looked somewhat peaceful, which was even more unnerving. He smiled at them then.

“I’m sorry. I… It’s going to be ok,” Felix let out.

Hyunjin didn’t feel reassured at all, on the contrary. It made him even more terrified.

“Please, just get down from there,” Hyunjin pleaded, walking slowly toward Felix, holding a hand out to him.

But then, Felix shuffled a bit closer to the edge and Hyunjin stopped moving, feeling like Felix wouldn’t let him come closer.

“I can’t.”

“Kurt won’t hurt you anymore, he’s dead,” Seungmin tried. “The boss killed him,” he continued when Felix looked at him in confusion.

“Yeah! And we’ll always be there for you, Felix! We promise! We’ll help you get through it!” Hyunjin added.

Felix looked back at the horizon for a second. The last lights of the sunset were about to fade in the darkness of the upcoming storm.

Life was like that… Made of light and storms. When would the next storm be if he decided to stay? Would there ever be enough light to compensate for the darkness and destruction he had gone through? Was it worth it?

“Felix, can you please step down from there? We can talk and…” Hyunjin started.

Felix shook his head with a sad expression on his face. He wouldn’t falter.

“FELIX!” Chan’s concerned voice boomed as Jeongin, Minho, Jisung and him arrived on the rooftop.

His voice was filled with a fear so deep it made all their souls shake as if the thunderstorm above had just stricken them all. Lightning lit up the sky and time seemed to slow down for a moment.

Felix scanned the faces of his friends, seeing the worry in their features, the trauma in their eyes, the exhaustion in their bodies… They needed rest too, but not the same kind Felix needed. Once he was gone, they could move on with their lives, restart where it had all started to crumble. With him out of the way, they wouldn’t have to worry so much anymore.

He smiled softly and sadly at them.

“I’m sorry.”

He closed his eyes and took a step backward, voluntarily falling into nothingness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This part of the story is really based a lot on my personal experience with depression and anxiety... Even if there will be a sad ending, remember that there will also have a happy ending. If you're struggling with these mental illnesses, seek help. You can even send me a message to rant or whatever if you want, I would be happy to help!!! <3


	17. SAD ENDING

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi dear readers! 
> 
> Here's the SAD ENDING. You'll probably suffer while reading it. 
> 
> TW: strongly implied suicide, major character death.
> 
> PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT <3
> 
> Thanks!

Changbin was frozen there for a long moment.

It couldn’t be…

No…

“F-Felix?” He let out weakly, staggering forward.

He was there, just in front of him, but… But he was not responding, and his body was completely motionless. Blood was pooling on the ground under him…

Changbin fell to his knees just as he reached him. His trembling hands hovered over Felix’s inert form.

“H-hey? Hey, Felix? It’s going to be ok… I’m here now.” His voice cracked.

Felix remained silent and still.

This didn’t feel right. No…

“Please… J-just answer me, ok?”

Tears started falling down his cheeks mixing with the increasing rain.

“Say something!” Changbin shouted, his voice breaking in despair.

He took Felix’s face in his trembling hands then, more decisive to get some kind of response or reaction out of him, but, as soon as he touched his unusually cold skin, he knew he was gone.

Gone forever.

“No… No no no! Felix, wake up! WAKE UP!” He cried loudly, shaking him lightly.

He lifted Felix’s chest to his ears. It couldn’t be real… No, it couldn’t…

Yet, Changbin couldn’t hear anything. There was no heartbeat.

“NO! PLEASE, NO! FELIX!” Changbin wailed, violent sobs racking his body as he hugged Felix’s limp body tightly, as if holding him now would prevent him from leaving him.

Woojin was there a few seconds later, hugging Changbin and crying his heart out with him as he tried to drag him away from Felix’s lifeless body.

It hurt. It hurt more than anything they had ever experienced. They had lost him for real this time.

They lost connection with reality, letting the awful pain in their hearts swallow them whole. They were caught in what seemed like an endless agony and the heavy rain couldn’t compete with the stream of their tears.

They kept holding onto each other, their wails drowning in the pouring rain, the thunderstorm and the sirens of the approaching ambulance and police.

Felix was dead.

 

—

 

[A Week Later]

None of them moved. They stayed until the end of the ceremony and long after that, not saying a thing and barely acknowledging the words of support that were sent their way.

It hurt too much to see his name on the grave.

It had been a week. Only a week, but it had been the longest most painful week of their entire lives. Even the weeks before then had been nothing in comparison. With Felix beside them, they could’ve gone through everything, it seemed, but now they were all broken and miserable.

“I’m sorry.”

The words sounded abnormally clear, and it took them all a few seconds to realize why. They had been said by Chan.

“I’m so sorry,” he repeated as a sob broke through his lips and he collapsed on his arms and knees in front of Felix’s grave. “I… I should’ve done better. I should’ve been there even more…”

They all started crying once again.

Would it ever end?

Changbin was suddenly animated by a burst of rage as he quickly walked up to Chan and took him by the collar, lifting him up the ground.

“WHY?! You knew! So why didn’t you tell the police? WHY DIDN’T YOU HELP HIM!?” Again, his voice broke into desperate sobs.

The others were there in a second, separating them. Chan didn’t answer, only kept crying, because he knew, like they all did, that Changbin was mostly resentful toward himself.

They were all blaming themselves in some way.

But there was nothing they could do now.

Felix was already gone.

 

—

 

[A Year Later]

“…And have you seen your friends recently? I know you said that you haven’t had much contact with them since Felix’s funeral,” the psychologist asked.

“No. It just isn’t the same without him. We all moved on separately.”

They used to say that everyone in their group of friends was essential. Nine or none, something like that.

Well, they weren’t nine anymore, and they would never be again either.

“Have you made any new friend?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Why should I?”

“Are you scared you’ll lose them too?”

Changbin didn’t answer. Maybe it was that, or maybe it was because he couldn’t see himself making new friends after all that had happened. He preferred staying alone.

“You said there is one of your old friends who keep sending you messages. Shouldn’t you at least try to answer?” The psychologist offered.

Changbin remained silent again.

Chan had been sending them messages every day to their group chat since the incident, even if they didn’t see each other anymore. Changbin wasn’t sure where everyone had gone exactly. Some had changed university, others had left the city, and others had opted for long distance studies to obtain their degrees. Changbin had decided on the latter, taking a part-time job on the side to keep him as busy as possible and to allow him to live on his own, and not in the dorms anymore. Chan was the only one who had remained relatively stable despite all that had happened, still going to the same university and living in their old dorm. Sometimes, Changbin would get a glimpse of him when he was going to his psychologist’s appointment at school.

Honestly, he looked terrible. It had been a year, but it felt like he just hadn’t been able to move on at all. There were always dark circles under his eyes, his skin was abnormally pale… He looked like a dead man walking.

Changbin wondered if he had made new friends, but he doubted it, seeing as he always looked to be on his own.

“Well, this is all the time we have for today. I suggest you try to socialize a bit more. You should maybe even try to answer your friend’s messages. It’ll surely be good for your morale.”

Changbin nodded and left the psychologist’s office. It was still early, but he didn’t plan on staying on the campus today. He had somewhere to go. He took the bus and, after a couple hours, reached his destination.

He walked into the cemetery, up the little trail, almost instinctively. He hadn’t been there in a year, but he had to be there today, even if it was hurting him.

When he lifted his head as he was reaching Felix’s grave, he noticed that there were already people there.

“Changbin,” Woojin greeted him softly.

His old friends, they were all there. Chan stood up, looking surprised, but also deeply concerned. They looked as bad as him, but deep down he couldn’t help the small feeling of happiness that bloomed in his chest at seeing them all once more.

Tears pooled in Changbin’s eyes, but he quickly wiped them away. A sad smile appeared on his lips.

“Hey, it’s been awhile.”

Chan walked up to him and hugged Changbin. Everyone joined in on the hug. And for the first time in a year, he truly felt somewhat a bit better.

He remembered his psychologist’s words.

How could he have thought that pushing them away would make things easier? He felt stupid now, but he was glad that they were there in this moment. That even without telling each other, they had all met there that day.

The road to recovery would still be hard, but it felt like this was the real step forward all of them had taken since Felix’s death.

“It’s good to see you,” Chan told him.

It warmed Changbin’s heart, which had felt so cold for so long.

“It’s good to see you too.”

They let him some space after that and Changbin walked up to Felix’s tombstone. He crouched down in front of it, put a yellow rose in front of it and brushed his fingers on Felix’s name.

“We miss you. We’ll never be the same without you, but we’ll continue to move forward. So, please watch over us.”

He felt the others’ warming presence all around him and a soft breeze washed over them. Leaves and flower petals flew past them, and up in the sky. They looked at them as they soared toward the sun in front of them.

The sun was not yet setting for them, so they would make the most of the time they had left in Felix’s memory, even if it would be hard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :'(
> 
> Please tell me what you thought of this ending <3


	18. HAPPY ENDING

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi dear readers! 
> 
> Here's the HAPPY ENDING. I hope it'll be satisfying <3
> 
> PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT!
> 
> Thanks!!

“Felix!” Chan let out a strained scream. “Hold on, Felix!”

Felix looked up at him with a wince. Chan had jumped passed the ledge to grab his arm just in time. Chan could’ve died too, but Seungmin, Jisung and Hyunjin had caught him before he completely fell over the ledge. They were still all dangerously close to falling over it.

“I got you!” Chan added, desperate tears streaming down his cheeks, mixing with the increasing flow of the rain.

“No… Let go!” Felix sobbed then, weakly trying to pry off Chan’s fingers from his arm. “J-just let me die!”

“No! No, I won’t! I can’t lose you, Felix! I can’t!”

Felix remained silent, shocked by the clear pain in Chan’s voice. He was suffering too… Felix couldn’t believe that after all that had happened, Chan was still there for him. Felix could see true dread in Chan’s eyes every time their eyes met. He really didn’t want to lose him despite everything.

“P-please… It hurts too much to live,” Felix still pleaded.

“We’ll help you! We’ll do everything so it won’t hurt as much anymore!” Jisung screamed, voice full of emotion as he cried hot tears as well.

Felix’s eyes washed over all his friends, who were looking at him from the rooftop, all clearly desperate to help. Jisung, Seungmin and Hyunjin were struggling to hold Chan. Jeongin and Minho were also trying to help, but there wasn’t much they could do. Felix could see the intense fear they all felt at the idea of losing him.

Why did it make him feel grateful?

“Please, Felix, just climb up!” Hyunjin added, as desperate as the others to save him.

Felix cried, because he was touched by their words and actions, but also because he was hurting so much inside. It was almost as if his whole chest was burning. He didn’t know anymore. He was conflicted.

Why couldn’t his life just end already? Why was he happy to see them holding onto him, pleading to him to stay alive?

If he climbed up, would he even recover from this ever? Would their help and support be enough to heal him?

He was scared, in pain and traumatized.

“Felix! Felix, please grab my hand!” Changbin shouted as he joined them with Woojin, instantly moving over the ledge to try and grab him, just like Chan.

Minho, Woojin and Jeongin helped him, keeping a secure hold on him, just like Jisung, Hyunjin and Seungmin were doing with Chan.

They were all there, trying to lift him up, rescue him.

“You’re our brother, Felix! Nine or none, remember? We need you!” Changbin continued.

It was too much for Felix. He couldn’t handle any more of their pleads.

So, he extended his free hand to Changbin who grabbed it right away.

Then, they all hissed him up back on the rooftop. They were all hugging him tightly and crying their hearts out a second later. Felix hugged them back tightly and wailed.

He was still scared, in pain and traumatized, but his chosen brothers were all there for him, and he knew that they would always be.

He wasn’t alone. He didn’t have to hide anything from them anymore. They knew everything, and yet they were still there by his side.

He was glad…. He was just so glad that they were there!

“T-thank you!”

With them, maybe everything wasn’t as hopeless as he thought.

 

—

 

[3 Days Later]

“You watch over him, ok?” Felix’s mother requested at the eight boys in front of her. “If there’s anything wrong, call me right away!”

They all nodded and her husband dragged her away before she decided to repeat the same speech and requests for the tenth time. She hugged Felix and gave him several kisses all over the face before she left.

Felix had a cast on his arm, because it had been heavily strained when Chan had grabbed him and saved him.

Yet, what was most notable was the smile on his face. It wasn’t a soulless smile, it was somewhat peaceful, light.

Over the past days, Felix had spent a lot of time at the hospital, meeting with doctors, psychologists and psychiatrists. He was given necessary resources and help to recover from the terrible trauma he had experienced. Now that Kurt was truly gone and that their life was kind of back to normal, or as back to normal as it could get, Felix could really start to heal from everything. It wouldn’t be easy, they all knew it, but they were ready for it. Felix’s life mattered too much to them. They needed him as much as he needed them.

“Let’s go back inside,” Chan offered, putting an arm over Felix’s shoulder and leading him and the others back in their dorm.

“Hey! We could do our sleepover tonight!” Jeongin offered.

“Yeah!” Jisung agreed.

“Guess I’ll be making fresh-baked cookies then,” Woojin said.

Chan went ahead, offering his help to prepare the cookies, only to be rejected by both Minho and Woojin who accused him of only wanting to eat the uncooked mix.

Felix smiled at the sight, but his smile died down a bit after a few seconds. He was scared that this kind of happiness was just setting him up for more pain, like it had seemed to be the case in the past weeks.

Just when the trauma started rising up from the darkness of his mind once more, Changbin grabbed his hand.

Felix was slightly startled by it, but Changbin warmly smiled at him and dragged him closer to the group.

With such great friends by his side, helping him through his recovery, Felix truly felt hopeful.

It was going to be ok.

He was safe now.

 

—

 

After that, Felix still had to battle recurrent nightmares, panic attacks and depression, but they became less and less severe as time went by. He met with his assigned psychologist and psychiatrist regularly. He slowly restarted school when he felt like he was stable enough.

Chan and the others never regretted saving him, not even when he woke them up screaming in the middle of the night, or when they had to hold him for hours when the depression was too deep, or when they had to prevent him from killing himself again…

It was hard for them all to see him still go through so much, but even with the downs and the hardships, he was recovering. Slowly, but surely.

They were just so grateful to be able to see him smile and laugh more and more often. To see him shine brighter than the sun on good days.

Felix was still alive, with them, and healing.

Life was not perfect, but it was good.

And that was enough for them.

The storm had finally passed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you like this ending? :)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you soooo much for reading! 
> 
> PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT <3
> 
> You can also follow me on Tumblr: Wakeyx


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